England is a very popular foreign country to visit because the people there speak some English. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Tokyo is huge. Something like 15 million people live there, and my estimate is that at any given moment, 14.7 million of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Of course God enjoys a good prank as much as the next infallible deity. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The Japanese tend to communicate via nuance and euphemism, often leaving important things unsaid; whereas Americans tend to think they're being subtle… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Greyhound Bus Lines motto: "We Stop For Some Damn Thing Every 200 Yards." — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There's an old saying among scientific guys: "You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs, ideally by dropping a cement truck on… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The beer sold here in the United States is sweet and watery and lacking in taste and overcarbonated and just generally the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although it was constructed in 1536, the New York subway system boasts an annual maintenance budget of nearly $8, currently stolen, and… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
After the war, Prohibition was passed, and with liquor no longer legally available the nation plunged headlong into the Great Depression. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I have a friend named Doris who argues, on good authority, that the single biggest cause of global warming is menopause. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If Charles Lindbergh, flying with no instruments other than a bologna sandwich, managed to cross the Atlantic and land safely on a… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
We decide to start with the best-known sight of all, the one that, more than any other, exemplifies what the Big Apple… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The planes are crowded and noisy and late, and everybody hates everybody. If armed terrorists had tried to hijack any of the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
What gets me is, I waited in line for an hour to do this. I could have experienced essentially the same level… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Modern cyberspace is a deadly festering swamp, teeming with dangerous programs such as 'viruses,' 'worms,' 'Trojan horses' and 'licensed Microsoft software' that… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The president, apparently, was so totally unaware of where his foreign policy was that he had to appoint a distinguished commission to… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
As a professional journalist, I have always been fascinated by people who appear to have even more spare time than I do. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The issue we are reluctant to talk about is even more sensitive than condoms. The issue - and I will try to… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Spain travel tip: If bathroom genders are indicated by flamingos, the boy flamingo is the one with a hat. I learned this… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
When I say "dogs", I'm talking about dogs, which are large, bounding, salivating animals, usually with bad breath. I am not talking… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Motto of the U.S. airline industry - "We're Hoping to Have a Motto Announcement in About an Hour." — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
In foreign countries such as Italy, the government puts strict-looking speed limit signs everywhere, but nobody ever sees them because light does… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
