I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out… — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
Poverty. Racism. Isn't it strange, only the homeless are begging for change? — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
In the distance, Bo saw a fairy. A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud of being called one in highschool. — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no. — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
People ask me all the time, ALL the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, 'Bo, you're an artist... how… — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't. — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
My whole family thinks I'm gay, I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk,… — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
I'm gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face. — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
There's only one rule in stand-up, which is that you have to be funny. Yet 99 per cent of comics look and… — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
I became good friends with Jack Whitehall. I think he's great, such a great dude, and really funny. — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it. — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost... my virginity. — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I... don't. — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
Humour is often linked to shared experience. Like, a guy gets up and says, Have you noticed public restrooms have really inefficient… — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men… — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever. — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
“Well, man, you know what they say." No, I don't. I don't know what they say. I don't even know who they are. Who… — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
At one point when I was very young, when I was first starting out, I thought, 'Well, one day I'll be able to put… — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
And there's a metal train that's a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her, How long til it… — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage. — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
I write about what I know: teenage dating, overly charged sexuality, all the things that make you uncomfortable. — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
People give me money and I don't know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy. — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
Comedy doesn't really matter that much; I know that. I treat it like an adult - I don't treat it like a child or… — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
I've always liked the format of YouTube, sharing things for free, which is a nice exchange between people. — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
Comedy is very strange to me and I don't fully understand it's purpose or function. — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
