If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Ronald Reagan came from show business. His idea of how the government should help the homeless was like your agent. "We'll try… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Today is 'Take our Daughters to Work Day.' This is when girls ages Nine to Fifteen go to work. Or, as it's… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Janet Jackson's 'wardrobe malfunction' cost CBS Five hundred and Fifty grand this week. Boy, what a tough week for the network. First,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I see they found out the universe is 80 million years older than we thought. It's also been lying about its weight. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Theyre talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place thats used by ten or more people in a week, which, I… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A new cologne is coming out. It's for cowboys, and it's made from cow's manure. That way the women will be on… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, theyve seen me laugh, and… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
All marriages are same sex marriages. You get married and every night, it's the same sex. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
There's a phrase we live by in America: "In God We Trust". It's right there where Jesus would want it: on our… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad`s room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
