Funny Quotes by Anonymous · Page 71

Omg, he is so fucking hot! Don't tell him I like him, okay?Yeah, sure - Hey, guess who likes you?

— Anonymous

Only lawyers would refer to something as a brief that takes hours/days/weeks to write and is 30 pages long.

— Anonymous

I Was Told I Sound Horrible andi Should Never Sing Again.

— Anonymous

I dont understand why they have push or pull tags on the doors while it opens both sides of the store..!!

— Anonymous

'Hey can I borrow a pencil?' 'Yeah but it doesn't have an eraser.' 'Life doesn't have an eraser.' 'That was deep man...'

— Anonymous

Teacher: I beautiful. What tense is this? Student: obviously past tense.

— Anonymous

This is the perfect time to hear about my hidden trust fund.

— Anonymous

A true friend remembers your birthday but not your age.

— Anonymous

Scientists are trying to figure out how long human can live without a brain. You can tell them your age.

— Anonymous

Deliberate with caution, but act with decision and yield with graciousness, or oppose with firmness.

— Anonymous

Home: where I can look ugly and enjoy it.

— Anonymous

After spending 16 years in studies I really appreciate my BRAIN which is divided into two parts Right And Left, In right…

— Anonymous

If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.

— Anonymous

The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch.

— Anonymous

Best friends don't judge each other, they get together and judge everybody else.

— Anonymous

I advise you all, don`t mess with me. I know karate, kung fu, judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous…

— Anonymous

I don't understand how some people have the courage to tell their crush they like them. I don't even have the courage…

— Anonymous

It would be funny if, while performing an abortion, someone yelled 'abort! abort!'

— Anonymous

Sorry. Im no longer in a mood to post anything anymore. someone in this house upset me.i don't want to even attempt…

— Anonymous

The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I'm home alone and my power goes out...

— Anonymous

I hate when someone is about to tell you something but then says never mind.

— Anonymous

True friends are the ones that give you the shoulder to cry on. Best Friends are the ones that are ready with…

— Anonymous

Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

— Anonymous

First women subtract from their age, then they divide it, and then they extract its square root.

— Anonymous

If she doesn't know when usher was in his drop top cruisin the streets, she's too young for you bro

— Anonymous

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

— Anonymous

When I was a kid, I used to sing, 'A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P'

— Anonymous

When someone breaks your leg,dont break his back.

— Anonymous

You can't polish a turd.

— Anonymous

We can hardly wait for you to blow your tax refund on our destination wedding.

— Anonymous

Foot: A special device for finding furniture in the dark.

— Anonymous

Why do you have to be that way, you seemed normal until I got to know you?

— Anonymous

Sorry your upcoming vacation destination was featured on Shark Week...

— Anonymous

Dont change I want to forget you just the way you are.

— Anonymous

If you're purchasing a Dollar Store pregnancy test, I think we both know you can't afford a positive.

— Anonymous

To be old and wise, first you must be young and stupid.

— Anonymous

May your bachelorette party be so fun that you don't notice how annoyed the rest of the bar is.

— Anonymous

If someone tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.

— Anonymous

I would say a crippled joke but I cant stand them.

— Anonymous

“It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt”

— Anonymous