When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry.… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
