Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
In high school, when I first heard of entropy, I was attracted to it immediately. They said that in nature all systems… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Religion - religion, at best - at BEST - is like a lift in your shoe. If you need it for a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
