You kids have fun, and be home by Thanksgiving!" our parents would call to us on Halloween night, as we staggered out… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
So when I open the door on Halloween, I am confronted by three or four imaginary heroes, such as G.I. Joe, Conan… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I was very pleased to get a Supreme Court justice suggesting a column, so I went and did a column about Beano.… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I walked out of the movie "Lincoln" and bought the book [of Doris Kearns Goodwin] at the bookstore next door. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I am a world-class weenie when it comes to letting people stick needles into me. My subconscious mind firmly believes that if… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
2. The instant the doors open, you want to push forward as hard as possible, in an effort to get onto the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
![“I walked out of the movie "Lincoln" and bought the book [of Doris Kearns Goodwin] at the bookstore next door.” quote by Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/4c3/dave-barry-222_book_i-walked-out-of-the-movie-lincoln-and-bo_2152326.jpg)
