There is no Thanksgiving back in the old country where I come from. You know why? Because being thankful is a sin. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
For a while, some schools across the country were banning spelling bees. For obvious reasons, of course - steroids — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think in our desire to create a better America,we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Occasionally, when I lived in London, I would have sex with a girl from an aristocratic family. I always enjoyed doing to… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Rush Limbaugh says if the health care bill passes, he will leave the country. The Democrats are upset, because if they knew… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
The nation of Iran is threatening to sue the makers of the movie Argo. They say the movie was an unrealistic portrayal… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think the scores for Olympic gymnastics are affected by what countries the judge and the gymnast are from. That's wrong. That… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
In some countries Women's Day is a national holiday and men give women flowers. In America Women's Day falls on another holiday,… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
My father had a very unusual psychic ability, he could detect water. It's called divining. He would use a Y-shaped U-branch, and… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Saudia Arabia takes in half a trillion dollars every year in oil revenue, and the country has a population smaller than New… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.” — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van? — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
