Clever facebook status Quotes by Anonymous · Page 4

I think car horns should sound like gun shots....I bet you'll move then.

— Anonymous

They say violence isn't the answer, but actions speak louder than words.

— Anonymous

I don't stalk. I just update myself on what's going on in people's lives.

— Anonymous

I'M SURE EVERYTHING WILL GET OK....BUT I'D PREFER IT TO BE AWESOME..!! <3

— Anonymous

I was wondering why cars got bigger as they got closer, then it hit me...

— Anonymous

I hate immature girls with a new boyfriend every month saying I love you.

— Anonymous

Did you know that "Dammit I'm Mad" spelled backwards is "Dammit I'm Mad?"

— Anonymous

I just dropped my laptop off the boat....It's a Dell, rolling in the deep.

— Anonymous

If someone says expect the unexpected slap them in the face and say 'I bet you didn't expect that!'

— Anonymous

I just saw a baby wearing a shirt saying: 'Santa doesn't exist, but that's ok, cause I can't read.'

— Anonymous

I read something the other day that made me piss myself. It was a sign that said: 'Bathroom closed.'

— Anonymous

That awkward moment when it's silent in class and your stomach decides to make a dying walrus sound.

— Anonymous

Sex is like math: You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray you don't multiply.

— Anonymous

I was complimented on my driving today. Someone left a note on my windshield that said, 'Parking Fine'

— Anonymous

If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared?

— Anonymous

I'm not saying I am Batman, I am just saying that no one has ever seen me and Batman in the same…

— Anonymous

Some people are just like some schools during summer, they have, NO CLASS.

— Anonymous

'Are you as bored as I am?' Makes sense even when you read it backwards...

— Anonymous

My penis should make me breakfast on morning. It is always up before I am.

— Anonymous

My diabetic neighbor died in his sleep. I forgot to wish him 'sweet dreams.'

— Anonymous

You should really consider creating two Facebook accounts, one for each face.

— Anonymous

OH NICE, so you can update your status via mobile, but you cant text me back?

— Anonymous

The awkward moment, when Usain Bolt runs faster than your internet connection.

— Anonymous

I think I should tell you what people are saying behind your back....Nice ass.

— Anonymous

I need a boyfriend No, u WANT a boyfriend. u NEED water, cause u sound thirsty.

— Anonymous

Jim Apple finds introducing himself very problematic when holidaying in France.

— Anonymous

When I was a kid, I used to sing, 'A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P'

— Anonymous

I've always wanted to spin around in a chair & say: "Ive been expecting you..."

— Anonymous

My excuse for being lazy: I'm not the real slim shady, so why would I stand up?

— Anonymous

Hey I just f%cked you, and this is crazy. The condom broke, so here's your baby.

— Anonymous

When I'm sad I just sing, and then I realise my voice is worse than my problems.

— Anonymous

Crayola just added a new color to there crayon box its called jersey shore orange

— Anonymous

That awkard laugh when no sound comes out and your clapping like a retarted seal.

— Anonymous

If the grass is greener on the other side watch out, there must be a septic tank!

— Anonymous

I am so clever that sometimes I dont understand a single word of what I am saying

— Anonymous

Google+ is the gym of social networking: We all join, but nobody actually uses it.

— Anonymous

I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you are good with grammar you will get it.

— Anonymous

Valentine's day is coming up? Dammmmmmmmmmnit, I forgot to get a girlfriend again!!

— Anonymous

I wonder if cats worry about ending up living alone with socially awkward teenagers.

— Anonymous

I hate it when ugly people say I need my beauty sleep. Bitch, you need to hibernate.

— Anonymous