President Obama went to India, South Korea, then Japan. He's going to keep travelling until he finds his birth certificate. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Obama and his wife are going to Kenya. Donald Trump said, 'While you're there, pick up your birth certificate.' — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Have you seen these Republican presidential candidates? I bet Obama is sorry now that he spent all that money on the new… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Rick Perry is now saying he thinks that Barack Obama's birth certificate is fake. I think Perry may have faked his driver's… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
John McCain turned 72 years old last Friday, but the Chinese are making him a birth certificate that says he's only 33… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Two things you need to know about taxes. They've extended the deadline to April 18, and when you write your check, just make it… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
You know Kim Jong Un, the evil dictator of North Korea? Apparently, a guy in his inner circle used his ashtray while smoking and… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I can hardly wait until Donald Trump announces his celebrity cabinet. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Do I think there is a heaven? Uh, yeah I do. Like a really big gymnasium. How do I see myself there? With really… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
If it wasn't for coffee, I'd have no discernible personality at all. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
