“If love were orange, like an apple, there’d be nothing to compare it to.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
Love will wreck your heart like a derailed train. So choo-choose your partner wisely.¨ — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Yeah, I enjoy musical chairs. My furniture is deaf, so it gets rather interesting.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Experience is the best teacher I've ever had. I'm sorry, Mr. Sortz, but it's true.” — Jarod Kintz Best teacher Copy Share Image
“Have I ever been in love? Have your ears ever itched from inside your urethra?” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I’m drinking your reply. Maybe isn’t too hot or cold, so I’m chugging it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a boat, and due to the brick’s reputation of indestructibility, we could call the boat “The… — Jarod Kintz Titanic Copy Share Image
“A blanket and a brick could be put in a ring and paid to fight. Compared to MMA, it would be boring.… — Jarod Kintz Boxing Copy Share Image
“I have a fear of palindromes. Maybe because the only person to ever beat the hell out of me was a man… — Jarod Kintz Fear Copy Share Image
“If I had a last name for a first name, a first name for a last name, and a middle name to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We broke up because we weren’t going anywhere. I kept telling her, Hitchhiking takes patience.” — Jarod Kintz Hitchhiking Copy Share Image
“The average time for lightning to strike and thunder to hit is how long I love. But in which direction?” — Jarod Kintz Lightning Copy Share Image
“Boob, like the object it identifies, is such a well-rounded word. It’s as if “Bo” represents the left breast, and “ob” represents… — Jarod Kintz Boob Copy Share Image
“I want to be the world’s safest fashion designer. And I always wear my seatbelt, especially when I’m in the car.” — Jarod Kintz Fashion Copy Share Image
“It’s a shiny tin can of a day, bright but gray. Welcome to one of Florida’s two overcast days per year. A… — Jarod Kintz Flower Copy Share Image
“According to me I have hypochondria. So if I say I suffer from a condition where a person thinks they suffer from… — Jarod Kintz Hypochondria Copy Share Image
“The punctuation mark that best describes me as a person is the dash. But for Mark Question, it would probably be the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a soggy umbrella, if you’re too cheap to buy my 360-degrees spinning windshield wiper on a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s 3:33 am as I’m writing this down on loose sheets of printer paper. I’m in the back office sitting behind the… — Jarod Kintz Good life Copy Share Image
“Growing up, my bedroom was like a garage, only much smaller and with more lawnmowers in it (we had to store them… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m a designer. I’m trying to design a half a person, but I’m looking for a business partner, a female who’ll contribute… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“I’m about to crash for the night, and I’m wearing a bicycle helmet to bed. I make love as if Lance Armstrong… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m rich in poverty. I got no money coming out of my ass. I’m up to my neck in broke.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
If sex were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public. — Jarod Kintz Funny Copy Share Image
“The best part about vomiting is that right after you do, you can continue eating.” — Jarod Kintz Eating Copy Share Image
“I built my marriage brick by brick. And I destroyed it blanket by blanket. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
