“I did what I did for my clone, not for my own personal gain. It wasn’t right that he asked it of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d rate myself five stars, and those stars would all be fish. My review was of how well I walked on the… — Jarod Kintz Astronomy Copy Share Image
“I can read people like an open book, especially if their named Braille, and I’m in a touchy-feely mood.” — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“In high school I barely made the rodeo team. But I wasn’t good enough to start, so I just rode the bench.” — Jarod Kintz Good enough Copy Share Image
“I’m on a shoestring budget, which means I don’t have any extra money to buy the surrounding shoes to even lace up.” — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“To say that I grew up without parents is a lie, because I haven’t grown up yet. Also, all six of my… — Jarod Kintz Parenting Copy Share Image
“If you asked me to mow your lawn, I’d say sure—just as soon as you move your lawn directly above mine.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t collect awards, I collect empty trophy cases. Once my collection is large enough, I’m going to start collecting broken dreams.” — Jarod Kintz Broken dreams Copy Share Image
“Dark Jar Tin Zoo’s face is sallow, his cheeks sunk in, and he looks like Edvard Munch’s “The Scream,” only less colorful.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a blanket, if you’re a roach or politician. Warmth can be so crushing at times. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“This morning I ate a hamburger for breakfast, and then wept like a baby into an open jar of mayonnaise. I guess… — Jarod Kintz Morning Copy Share Image
“I would hate to see seventeen people with monosyllabic names like Mike or Ann die, but if they did, and you wrote… — Jarod Kintz Haiku Copy Share Image
“An invisible wall of super condensed jelly would make a great shield to stop bullets and sarcasm.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I often wear camouflaged pants so when I walk I look like a floating torso. I love with the same air of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you’re tired of taking one step forward and two steps back, just turn around. That way you’ll be going forward in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I plan on leaving my mark on this world, in ink, with a pen spill that’ll make all the oil spills combined… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“If love came in a cardboard tube, I’d probably send it priority mail. But I’d make you pay for shipping.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: If we were to kiss passionately for 30 minutes, would you refill my oxygen tank in the process?” — Jarod Kintz Kiss Copy Share Image
“What do I do for fun? Well, I’d love to get into the bank robbing business, but government work is not for… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“I can take care of myself, but I can’t take care of myself and a child. I’ve decided to give myself up… — Jarod Kintz Adoption Copy Share Image
“William Penn would be a great pen name. But for love letters to manicured lawns, trees, and benches, the best name would… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“While all men want to be free, some want to be free to think what they want, and other men want to… — Jarod Kintz Free thought Copy Share Image
“I’m wise when it comes to your issues, and a fool when it comes to mine. Emotion is the blindfold we cannot… — Jarod Kintz Emotion Copy Share Image
“My plan to live from 65 to forever is to simply keep showing up. I also don’t want to retire at the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If my name were Theodore Tiffany, my goal in life would be to meet and marry a woman named Tiffany Theodore. I… — Jarod Kintz Goals Copy Share Image
“Some events in your life leave a lasting impression. A thing that majorly impacted my life was the car that hit me… — Jarod Kintz Impacted Copy Share Image
“I go to networking events because what else am I going to do? I’ve already finished my daily planning for how to… — Jarod Kintz Networking Copy Share Image
“I would never date Austin. Not that it’s gay, but it’s simply too densely populated for a relationship.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You could empty the trash and my love for you still wouldn’t fit inside. But just because it won’t fit, doesn’t mean… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“His last name was Worthless. Or was that just the perfect word to describe him? Shouldn’t our names summarize who we are?… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Give people a little, and they’ll want a lot. Give them a lot, and they’ll only want a little.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Instead of a motorcycle gang, I’m thinking of starting up a unicycle gang. We’ll be hell on wheel. (My first recruit will… — Jarod Kintz Motorcycle Copy Share Image
“Black clothing makes me look skinnier. If I wear all black at night, and turn out the lights, I look so skinny… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a corn-dog popsicle, and I’m on the Most Wanted list. Unfortunately it’s by the government, specifically the FDA, and… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I’m feeling a little under the weather. But once I open my umbrella, I’m sure I’ll begin to feel better.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were a gesture, I don’t think it would be a gyrating pelvis. But then again, I could be wrong, as… — Jarod Kintz Body language Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. With you not being there I notice your unbeing, with you still being a being in time… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Brick could be the codename for Rick B. But why the need for secrecy? If I told you I’d have to blanket… — Jarod Kintz Secrecy Copy Share Image
“I like spending time with my family. And if you have the same last name as me, we might be family. I’m… — Jarod Kintz Family Copy Share Image
