As you get older, as you become more sensitive, feel more, it becomes harder to make jokes. You censor yourself. — Alan King Copy Share Image
I've heard the joke a million times that "Jews in Sports" must be the thinnest book in the world. Actually, I've seen… — Dolph Schayes Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The funniest jokes you know aren't from comics but relatives, friends - from your life. That's the funniest stuff. — Dick Gregory Copy Share Image
I always have my setlist planned out, but the best moments are when the energy of the crowd just gets your mind… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
Humor is not funny. Humor is something else. Funny is a joke, sometimes silly. Comedy is deep and connected to tragedy; comedy… — Gerald Stern Copy Share Image
I said I kicked a French chicken in the stomach once." "Huh?" "It said, 'Oeuf.'" "What is that?" "It's a joke. Do… — Jonathan Safran Foer Copy Share Image
New opinions often appear first as jokes and fancies, then as blasphemies and treason, then as questions open to discussion, and finally… — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
Twenty Four hours After United States concluded the Presidential election. The winner Mr Barack Obama is celebrating his victory. The Nigerian President… — Horla Copy Share Image
You like the girl," Alasdair offered. Nassar leveled a heavy gaze at him. "Lillian said you tried to be funny in the… — Ilona Andrews Copy Share Image
Science fiction has its own history, its own legacy of what's been done, what's been superseded, what's so much part of the… — Iain Banks Copy Share Image
Stay out of the gutter in your conversation. Foul talk defiles the man who speaks it... Don't swear. Don't profane. Avoid so-called… — Gordon B. Hinckley Copy Share Image
At first I had no skills in writing comedy. I didn't know what a joke was, but, as someone once told me,… — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
After you do a joke a few times, you have material that you know works. Although sometimes I have a joke that… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
There are terrific TV shows now. This is a golden age for TV humor, I think. There's an actual market there. Of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
My kind [vampires] does not surprise easily," he said. "You surprised me, this morning. I have thus used up my full quota… — Robin McKinley Copy Share Image
I enjoy jokes, smiling, and making people smile. I may be a little different, but that's OK, who wants to be normal… — Tim Duncan Copy Share Image
People get really scared when women reclaim words, talk about themselves honestly and also make jokes because it's a really unstoppable combination. — Caitlin Moran Copy Share Image
I don't play the sport for fame. I don't try to win tournaments for fame. I don't do any of that. It's… — Bubba Watson Copy Share Image
There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life… — Larry David Copy Share Image
A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He's out there now...trying to win a… — Jerry Dennis Copy Share Image
You have to try your hardest to be at the top of your game and improve every joke you can until the… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
The Internet kept the joke going. Abevigoda.com was devoted to updating the actor's status, as was @AbeVigodaUpdate, a Twitter account. — Audie Cornish Copy Share Image
Comedy is what happens when you cross the dateline from the unbearable. Things become so unbearable they become a joke. — Robyn Hitchcock Copy Share Image
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now, and we don't know where the hell she is. — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
I always was an early-morning or late-night writer. Early morning was my favorite; late night was because you had a deadline. And… — Joss Whedon Copy Share Image
Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opened wider, go… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
People don't understand that we're not warriors in their cause. We're a group of people that really feel that they want to… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I think a lot of people misinterpret what I'm doing because they think of it as just a joke or they think… — Casey Spooner Copy Share Image
I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There was a time when I didn't like myself at all. I thought I was a cruel joke. But now I've come… — Cee Lo Green Copy Share Image
There's a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about… — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
I'm proud to say I'm the only Slaughterhouse member who has not rewritten a verse yet, and that's the ongoing joke in… — Joe Budden Copy Share Image
I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
A joke is like building a mousetrap from scratch. You have to work pretty hard to make the thing snap when it… — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
Oh, something is there, waiting for me. Perhaps someday the revelation will burst in upon me and I will see the other… — Sylvia Plath Copy Share Image
You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is… — Dana Gould Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It's crazy because people expect you to be funny all the time and every day is not a funny day. I go… — Chris Tucker Copy Share Image
No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
![“My kind [vampires] does not surprise easily," he said. "You surprised me, this morning. I have thus used up my full quota of shock and consternation for some interval." I stared at him. "You made a *joke*." "I have heard this kind of thing may happen...” quote by Robin McKinley](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/37c/robin-mckinley-1591_consternation_my-kind-vampires-does-not-surprise-easil_1654431.png)
