Sure, retarded jokes write themselves. But the spelling is always way off. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I try to retire jokes as soon as I can once I put them on an album. But I can't think of… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Comedy Central made me delete the Boston Marathon joke. I wasn't happy about it but, despite popular belief, I can occasionally be… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Im not the voice of reason; Im more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else,… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
It seemed fun to play a villain on stage and I wanted my jokes to be so good that I could just… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I'm really proud of the album. It's something I always wanted to do but I had to wait until I was ready.… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
The one thing I've found you really can't joke about - and people think it's death or something - is money. No… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldnt… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
If I tell a joke on stage and the crowd laughs for a minute, I stand there for a minute and enjoy… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I'm a comedian and there are a lot of things I'm still learning. I love one liners because I love smart jokes.… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I didn't care about the backlash. I think the reason it was so severe was because they didn't know anything about me… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I think a theater show is a pure version of me doing my material. The theater crowd is a bit more polite,… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Todd Glass has amazing energy on stage. Dave Attell is one of my favorites because he's a one liner comic who is… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
You can't expect everyone to laugh or applaud you for doing edgy things. Sometimes you'll miss. But I think comedians are artists… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Usually the beginning of a story that people hear a lot. For example, "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut" or… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
My girlfriend loves to eat chocolate. She's always eating chocolate. And she likes to joke she's got a chocolate addiction. You know,… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
In the second grade, I would just get bored and a joke would pop into my head and I would have to… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I was a terrible employee. I've been fired from almost every job I've ever had, luckily, in a good way, or else… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
On Twitter, when someone would die, I would write a joke. Or if there's a tragedy, I would write a joke and… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I try to write three jokes every morning, although I don't know what they are. I write them as fast as I… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
One of my favorite things on the show was just getting to do my own monologue and talking about someone who killed… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to cover it… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a while to… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night talk show.… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
I actually never acted on "Deadwood." I have meetings all the time where people look at my IMDb page and see that I played… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
I was a weird kid because I liked to be alone, but I craved attention. It was important for me to be cool, but… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
I love Pittsburgh. Most of my family still lives there and I try to get back a couple of times a year. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them in the… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
