'Where's Bill going?' He's going to comedy death. Boom! He pops out of it with another joke. It's my particular style. — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
As the joke goes, you don’t have to be faster than the wolf chasing you, just faster than everyone else running away. — Kim Harrison Copy Share Image
I recently did the David Letterman Show about my book. He was very serious and made no jokes and it caught me… — Bob Woodward Copy Share Image
Joke I read somewhere: They say that God is the innermost dweller of all. Well I hope He likes enchiladas - cause… — Meher Baba Copy Share Image
Making jokes is about the most wrong and stupid thing a bemused, middle-aged, white heterosexual Anglo Saxon sort of Celt Australian male… — Michael Leunig Copy Share Image
We adore babies because they're so cute. And, of course, we are amused by jokes because they are funny. This is all… — Daniel Dennett Copy Share Image
The nature of comedy is 'just do it.' But I think what's interesting about it is this joke has been around and… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
On stage you look much larger than you are. You can have subtle changes of timing; how you place a punchline in… — Sylvester McCoy Copy Share Image
Never upstage a man. Don't top his joke, even if you have to bite your tongue to keep from doing it. Never… — Arlene Dahl Copy Share Image
Funny stories on set - there are thousands of them, but they are only funny to the people who were on the… — Bruce Campbell Copy Share Image
I always joke to my dad and thank him for giving me this little boy body. When I was 6 or 7,… — Ali Krieger Copy Share Image
Musalia [Mudavadi] has a much weaker character in person than [Musikari] Kombo, and you know the joke about humble Luhya servants as… — Raila Odinga Copy Share Image
Let the surgeon take care to regulate the whole regimen of the patient's life for joy and happiness by promising that he… — Henri de Mondeville Copy Share Image
My mother doesn't cook; my grandmother didn't cook. Her kids were raised by servants. They would joke about Sunday night dinner. It… — Katharine Weymouth Copy Share Image
“A traveling salesman was driving in the country when his car broke down. He hiked several miles to a farmhouse and asked… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think when people mean that Discworld books have become darker they really mean the series is growing up. In 'The Colour… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
I, like all artists in Western cultures, am a shaman...come in the guise of a comic...to heal perception by using...'jokes'... — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
People think I'll kill you if you make a joke. I compare it to Clint Eastwood. I've only seen Clint Eastwood in… — Ice T Copy Share Image
I got into stand-up because I love stand-up. Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punch… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
If your master is surly, from getting up early (And tempers are short in the morning), An inopportune joke is enough to… — W. S. Gilbert Copy Share Image
Given a little time for the pain to subside, dreadful experiences often can be the basis of funny jokes or stories. — Steve Allen Copy Share Image
There's a glorious sense of freedom in comedy, just allowing myself to tell jokes, allowing myself to interrupt myself and tell old… — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
Sometimes it feels like God has reached down and touched me, blessed me a thousand times over, and sometimes it all feels… — Anne Lamott Copy Share Image
One can always come up with funny lists and jokes. You know what? I take it back. Not everyone can always come… — John Hodgman Copy Share Image
I joke that if she [Debbie Wasserman Schultz] could find a 3 a.m. slot in the Home Shopping Network, she would grab… — Jonathan Tasini Copy Share Image
The thing that's weird is that we thought it was funny. We expected people to get the joke - that we [with… — George Michael Copy Share Image
Often when you're filming comedy and you've done six or seven takes, the joke's been done and you know you're gonna have… — Jim Howick Copy Share Image
The fact that the Kardashians could be more popular than a show like 'Mad Men' is disgusting. It's a super disgusting part… — Jonah Hill Copy Share Image
My father taught me to work, but not to love it. I never did like to work, and I don't deny it.… — Abraham Lincoln Copy Share Image
I walk with God, and He protects me. That may very well be true. I don't mean to make that sound like… — Dan Harmon Copy Share Image
My first job was selling doors, door to door. That's a tough job isn't it? Bing Bong; Hello, can I interest you… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
The thing about Donald [Trump] is the jokes write themselves. I don't even think of it to be trolling. What he says… — Chrissy Teigen Copy Share Image
It's so easy to judge everybody and for some reason extra weight is the one thing everything feels OK to joke about. — Caroline Rhea Copy Share Image
Twitter is a much more dangerous cauldron of group-think than happy hours or dinners. On Twitter, the reward comes from agreeing or… — David Weigel Copy Share Image
A rumor that followed me forever was that my family was in the mafia. For years I had to live with it.… — Giuliana Rancic Copy Share Image
I heard my name." Ash's voice startles me. "You tow better not be making fun of me about this stupid bra Mama's… — Abbi Glines Copy Share Image
Where did mutt become a insult...from mudblood in harry potter since all it means is mix breed so you should walk up… — MrAwesome Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and wanted to say,'Thanks for all the things I saw when you… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Being mature is when you finally grow enough, to be able to joke about the things that once broke you as a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
First of all, Saddam did not win the war, even though he says he did, I mean, you know, that's a joke… — Norman Schwarzkopf Copy Share Image
![“Musalia [Mudavadi] has a much weaker character in person than [Musikari] Kombo, and you know the joke about humble Luhya servants as cooks and watchmen...Anyway, jokes aside, Luhya disunity is a blessing for us and I would never have wanted it any other way.” quote by Raila Odinga](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/89d/raila-odinga-22479_blessing_musalia-mudavadi-has-a-much-weaker-chara_98416.jpg)
![“I joke that if she [Debbie Wasserman Schultz] could find a 3 a.m. slot in the Home Shopping Network, she would grab that. So those emails only confirm what we knew.” quote by Jonathan Tasini](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/d69/jonathan-tasini-36491_email_i-joke-that-if-she-debbie-wasserman-schu_2851527.jpg)
![“The thing that's weird is that we thought it was funny. We expected people to get the joke - that we [with Andrew Ridgeley] were two guys really making asses of ourselves.” quote by George Michael](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/42d/george-michael-1332_andrew_the-thing-that-s-weird-is-that-we-though_2471073.png)
![“The thing about Donald [Trump] is the jokes write themselves. I don't even think of it to be trolling. What he says is the joke.” quote by Chrissy Teigen](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/c49/chrissy-teigen-8139_jokes_the-thing-about-donald-trump-is-the-joke_382749.jpg)
