Bad jokes and gay marriage are destroying this country. But torture can save it. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
So if you're negative, you live longer? That sounds like a cruel joke. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't approve of political jokes; I have seen too many of them get elected. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.' — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I'm fine… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
People don't understand that we're not warriors in their cause. We're a group of people that really feel that they want to… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
As we approach the millennium with sort of the idea that society is going to start spiraling into chaos, I'd love to… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
When my syndicated show got canceled, the next day I still knew how to write jokes. That was a huge revelation. Because… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about. And… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You think that sense of humor goes as far as our ideology. I think that ultimately, we have we have very interesting… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about, and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
We're going to do a challenge. I'm going to try and download every movie ever made and you are going to try to sign… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't you know, it's interesting. I think we don't… — Jon Stewart Copy Share
