Jokes Quotes

I told jokes badly.

— Don Rickles

I don't like jokes.

— Wanderlei Silva

I tell very mean jokes.

— Anthony Jeselnik

Hey man change my tire!

— MHDAVOODI

The holy punish!

— MHDAVOODI

Being a model. LOL JOKES!

— Anonymous

“Yo mama jokes…   Yo”

— Johnny B. Laughing

Eazy always had jokes.

— MC Ren

I've never really told jokes. I'm not good at it.

— David E. Kelley

Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.

— Nikhil Saluja

A part of us remains where ever we have been.

— Nikhil Saluja

A joke a day keeps the gloom away!

— Cesar Romero

Yo mama so fat she uses the i15 as a slip n slide

— Anonymous

9/11 jokes aren't funny, they're just plane wrong.

— Anonymous

I was going to make a gay joke...butt f*ck it...

— Anonymous

All girls are beautiful... Except the ugly ones! :p

— Anonymous

A poet in history is divine, but a poet in the next room is a joke

— Max Eastman

“If u want to work in Corporate, then u should know how to play Chess.”

— honeya

I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny.

— Mark Russell

Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.

— Garrison Keillor

Happy Birthday! Aww, you remembered my birthday?! NO, Facebook told me.

— Pretty Ladii

People appreciate it when you take some time to think about who will be listening to your jokes.

— Seth Meyers

The one and only thing that every comic agrees on is that you do not steal jokes.

— Dave Rubin

Being raised Catholic myself, I think people who are Catholic tend to carry a lot of guilt. It's almost a joke.

— Linda Cardellini

A lot of my humor centers on the act of telling jokes and I think this can prevent certain audiences from suspending…

— Michael Showalter

I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the…

— Demetri Martin

Bill Clinton was doing Ku Klux Klan grand kleagel jokes at Byrd's funeral, saying, Oh, Robert C. Byrd, he used the -…

— Sean Hannity

Comedy Central is what these young people are viewing. The network speaks to their audience, which is saying, 'Give me fast jokes.…

— Bill Cosby

I take a lot of pride in managing to be funny without having a victim at the end of my joke. I…

— Ross Mathews

Writing books is fun because after I do a show for a couple hours, I'm in a bus for 22 hours. It's…

— Willie Nelson

My parents are really funny. Laughter was a big part of my childhood. Of course, they tell a lot of bad jokes…

— Cecily Strong

I reserve the right to tell shaggy dog stories or even common jokes as part of what I'm doing. I don't give…

— David Antin

Ninety-nine percent is in the delivery. If you have the right voice and the right delivery, you're cocky enough, and you pound…

— Buddy Hackett

The whole movie thing has never been a source of great pride for me, in that Burt Reynolds, who starred in the…

— Brock Yates

Are they real fires? Or are people just reacting to something? Just because there’s an alarm going doesn’t mean it’s a fire.…

— Chris Rock

Many people think sports are totally physical, that you don't have to think, everything is done for you and you're catered to,…

— Julius Erving

Susan was having a tough day and after returning home she started complaining She said to her husband, Nobody loves me¦.nobody cares…

— Babloo

Some street jokes are just timeless. There's an old street joke about comedians. The joke is that a beautiful girl comes up…

— Amy Schumer

The reason everybody is so amazed and enamored with me right now is because I have worked every angle, I have worked…

— Leslie Jones

Comedy is similar to hockey... in only one way. You get a lot of credit for assists. So I try to serve…

— Johnny Galecki