You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Organic? I grew up on Angel Delight. We didn't have anything in the house if it wasn't neon! — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Wow this place is really big isn't it? They must do proper stuff here, like opera and all that...shite. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Vodka! That's a child's drink, why am I drinking this stupid drink, oh and why am I on a traffic island? — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Men look at breasts the way women look at babies. 'Aw, isn't that lovely?' — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I'm quite a compulsive person-I only worked this out recently - I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive. I don't know what… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
And yet, people still turn to Jesus. You will notice though that the kind of people who turn to Jesus tend to… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Then you get these articles about how unhealthy life is in the city. You know; mobile phone tumours - far more likely… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I'm a vegetarian, well I'm not hardcore because I eat meat, but only because I like the taste, and I hate vegetables… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You learn very very quickly that it is mostly about swearing, actually. That's all you're doing, swearing, in a box with wheels. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
What are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
If you covered a broom handle with oil and shoved it up my arse, then put me on a trampoline, in a… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
“And I'm not saying it's a bad song, you know, or anything like that. All I'm saying is that if you get,… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I've seen stand up comedy, and after a while you start to notice that a lot of people are doing things that… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You have to assume that you're talking to the most intelligent, tuned-in audience you could ever get. That's the way you're going… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Everybody does that now. We all take pics... you do the same with holiday photos. You record something to look back on… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
There are two types of wine essentially, and everybody knows this. There's the one where you drink it and go, "Mmmm, well… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You're talking to a modern, nice, affable German person and they're saying to you something like 'You know, vell, it's a critical… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You've a very important, early decision to make in your life: are you going to be alone, or are you going to… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I find it incredibly boring when people are mean about some individuals, especially if the individual has no power. I can understand… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I can't relax here. These people have no pubic hair anywhere. We have pubic hair on the ceiling. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
He could dismiss several schools of philosophy by shifting slightly in his chair or toting his whisky glass. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
I don't have lungs anymore! Just two spare bags that flew in under a bridge one day. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
We all know smoking is bad. I know I'm going to quit someday, if I thought I wasn't I'd quit now. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Tequila? It's not even a drink. It's a way for having the cops around without using a phone. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Eggs! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance! — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
America's work ethic is non-stop; it's not even enshrined in law that workers have to get their two weeks holiday money. But Americans work… — Dylan Moran Copy Share
The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty — Dylan Moran Copy Share
[Adulthood feels like] walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they… — Dylan Moran Copy Share
Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you… — Dylan Moran Copy Share
If you're talking about crowd enthusiasm, it varies. I have a decent following in Australia so I like there. I'm interested in playing everywhere. — Dylan Moran Copy Share
There are two types of wine essentially, and everybody knows this. There's the one where you drink it and go, "Mmmm, well that's ok,… — Dylan Moran Copy Share
Go and lie down in the dark... for hours... and don't move. I'm locking the door now — Dylan Moran Copy Share
I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof is raised… — Dylan Moran Copy Share
Beer must be made by food companies. It makes you wander the streets at 3 am looking for things to eat. "What's that, is… — Dylan Moran Copy Share
The sensible thing for everyone to do would be to write all their op-eds and think pieces now so they're ready the day after… — Dylan Moran Copy Share
I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just get out of a chair when I'm not expecting it. — Dylan Moran Copy Share
I think I still get something from the original broadcaster but I'm certainly not aware of any Netflix van driving to my house and… — Dylan Moran Copy Share
People do need a social license to go, "Ha ha ha," and have a good time. It's a strange thing. There's a lot of… — Dylan Moran Copy Share
I'm a vegetarian, well I'm not hardcore because I eat meat, but only because I like the taste, and I hate vegetables on a… — Dylan Moran Copy Share
