The thing is, I am addicted to social media. I can while away hours scrolling through posts and pictures, wallowing in the… — Susanna Reid Copy Share Image
A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
We've all seen comedians look like they're reaching just a little bit too much for the laugh. This is counterproductive. The conceit… — Romesh Ranganathan Copy Share Image
I worked with Tyler before on 'Daddy's Little Girls'. He couldn't be smarter or more laid back and cool. He's always throwing… — Craig Robinson Copy Share Image
“Most human beings strongly believe that money is way less important than the life of a human being, but in reality five… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I could not, at any age, be content to take my place by the fireside and simply look on. Life was meant… — Eleanor Roosevelt Copy Share Image
If you're a person who says Only God can judge me on a regular basis, people are actually judging you a lot… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The best advise I have for all my teachers during a test is to pass the test out as fast as possible… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Stupid rock gods! Leo yelled from the helm. Thats the third time Ive had to replace that mast! You think they grow… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Zulus Are No Different With Chinese When It Comes To Fighting. They Love Showing Off Their Skills And Talking Too Much Before… — Lekoma Precious Napo Copy Share Image
“Do you want a cookie? - What? - A cookie. Like an Oreo. Do you want one? - No. - How can… — Nicholas Sparks Copy Share Image
My sweet wife getting so upset watching Sunny Leone. Guess I should stop masturbating and see what's wrong with her. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“We are the conductors of the beauty of the orchestra of our inner lives. Keep a Händel on it and don't hold… — Tom Althouse Copy Share Image
I've never met a funny person who wasn't smart. I've met a lot of dramatic people who were stupid. But I've never… — Rob Lowe Copy Share Image
“Her descriptions will be incandescent, perfect little nuggets of phraseology, and there will probably be lots of sex in her writing -… — Susan Breen Copy Share Image
Odds on meeting a single man: 1 in 23; a cute, single man: 1 in 429; a cute, single, smart man, 1… — Lorna Adler Copy Share Image
I hate teachers that think they are smart… Can I go to the bathroom...? I don't know can you? Girl I will… — Serenity Karma Copy Share Image
I remember people saying: 'You look funny, your hair is so black, you have a flat nose,' but I didn't think of… — Sadie Jones Copy Share Image
There's a difference between having a game show host and having a personality as a game show host - somebody that you… — Deon Cole Copy Share Image
OK think of a number. Add 12 to the number. Subtract 2. Divide that number by 5. Add 20. Did you get 12? Neither did I. — Paige Carter Copy Share Image
Having nine brothers and sisters, you have to stand out. In order to get on the stage with me and Shawn and… — Damon Wayans Copy Share Image
Everything that can be thought at all can be thought clearly. Everything that can be said can be said clearly. Ludwig Wittgenstein — Ludwig Wittgenstein Copy Share Image
The Comrade Wolf knows whom to eat, as the saying goes. It knows whom to eat and is not about to listen… — Vladimir Putin Copy Share Image
In terms of the creative side of it, it's really been a thing where you come up with the funny stuff is… — Trey Parker Copy Share Image
I look out at the stadiums full of people and see them all knowing the words to songs I wrote. And curling… — Taylor Swift Copy Share Image
“Green Lantern: "What are your powers anyway? You can't fly." Batman: "No." Green Lantern: "Super-strength?" Batman: "No." Green Lantern: "Hold on a… — Geoff Johns Copy Share Image
“Zoey~ 'Listen to me, whinning about money and a scarf. Ah, hell! I'm starting to sound like Aphrodite.' Stark~ 'If you turn… — P.C. Cast &Kristin Cast Copy Share Image
“His handsome face is suffused with rage. He stands before me shaking, then to my disgust, bursts into noisy tears; "I shall… — Alison Weir Copy Share Image
I blame Beauty and the Beast for giving ugly kids confidence & tricking them into thinking that beauty is found on the inside. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“Naturally torturers giggle while they work: The body’s dumb obedience to physics (pull hard enough and this comes off, squeeze tight enough… — Glen Duncan Copy Share Image
By the way, did you ever realize that if Moses would have turned right instead of left, we'd have had the oil,… — Golda Meir Copy Share Image
My friend and I do this all the time to my other friend, but with us, it's either The Hunger Games, or… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My iPod holds 3,000 albums. I own, like, 90 albums. My iPod sits at home, sullen, frustrated, and underused, like a wife… — Dara O Briain Copy Share Image
“Anna gave her that disjointed look with which so many people regarded Hannah, as if they has fallen too many words behind… — Laura L. Sullivan Copy Share Image
“The Evil Enchanter appeared in a cloud of smoke. He waved his arms to fan away the fumes, and when he quit… — Michael Stearns Copy Share Image
“Je me rends parfaitement compte du desagreable effet que produit sur la majorite de l'humanité, tout ce qui se rapporte, même au… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I gather you weren't keen on going back to Scotland with your brother at this time of year. I don't say I… — Rhys Bowen Copy Share Image
L'm barely on this page this week for a reason. I have family visiting from Atlanta. so I have only this week… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A funny thing about film is that it's the only medium where people say there are really rules that you have to… — Steven Knight Copy Share Image
