A doctor is a person who kills you today to prevent you from dying tomorrow. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
I have read the Aeneid through more often than I have read any long poem. — C. S. Lewis Copy Share Image
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Does anyone find it ironic how a program aimed at old people is called 'Countdown'? — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
Taylor Swift seems like the type of chick that would poke a hole in a condom. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That which is impossible and probable is better than that which is possible and improbable. — Aristotle Copy Share Image
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The whole point about laughter is it's like mercury: you can't catch it, you can't catch what motivates it - that's why… — Mike Nichols Copy Share Image
I have a funny relationship to the British working class movement... I'm in it, but not culturally of it... I was aware… — Stuart Hall Copy Share Image
Men are like Bluetooth they are only connected to you when you are near, but will scan other new devices when you… — Mercy Pheona Copy Share Image
“This was Jonan's boat. She had helped Nan Seller dose his entire crew against the annual diarrhea outbreak known as the "winter… — Sarah Zettel Copy Share Image
If you look up the definition of stand-up comedy, it's funny on purpose. A little bit of pressure there. It's basically acting.… — Michael Waltrip Copy Share Image
I found it quite funny when my teacher at secondary school saw me bowl and wanted me to throw the javelin. So… — Fidel Edwards Copy Share Image
I don't really tell a joke, I react to situations. The whole thing is just looking at somebody and showing all our… — Don Rickles Copy Share Image
