Funny Quotes · Page 85

I did not enter into silence. Silence captured me.

— Ezra Pound

The less you need, the more you attract.

— Russell Simmons

When you know how to listen everyone is the guru

— Ram Dass

I make no apologies for being reasonable.

— Barack Obama

Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

— Robert A. Heinlein

Are you better off with him or without him?

— Ann Landers

Knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

— John Bunyan

I don't have to explain anything to anybody.

— James Dean

I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

— Milton Jones

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

— Anonymous

“He was still furious at Quinn, but they were—literally—all in the same boat now.”

— Michael Grant

Grammar.The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.

— Anonymous

Carol Burnett, who played Miss Hannigan in 'Annie', is as funny as it gets.

— Katherine Parkinson

If reviewers don't mention your work, it's probably better than if they do

— Roger Deakins

That terrible moment when you drop a soap while bathing.

— Anonymous

I hate when I'm set on running a yellow light and the person in front of me chickens out.

— Anonymous

You know your girlfriend is too young when she'll do everything in bed but go upside down because it's too scary.

— Daniel Tosh

Consider what you have in the smallest chosen library: a company of the wisest and wittiest men that could be picked out…

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Tex's head snapped in my direction. Fuckin' A, woman, you've never had a s'more? he boomed I shook my head. Christ, everyone's…

— Kristen Ashley

But it's funny that now I'm in such a happy situation, I look more objectively at my own past and see what…

— Rick Allen

Blank 1 Told Blank 3 something about Blank 2. Now Blank 2 Is Pissed Because Blank 3 Told On Blank 1. Now Blank 1 Want To Fight Blank 3.

— Tee Shepard

Voice actors I used to know who were starting out in comedy were guys who did a lot of voices. They were…

— H. Jon Benjamin

When I'm on the set at 'Law & Order: Special Victims Unit,' of course the content isn't funny, but the other actors…

— Stephanie March

A Winning Horse doesn't know whats wining He only runs in pain given by his rider So whenever you're in pain think…

— Green Monk

You've got a man-beast, and a ho-beast.

— Chris Jericho

But that which is useful is the better.

— Marcus Aurelius

“People never think things that are true are funny.”

— Melissa Kantor

Failure is... the highway to success.

— Og Mandino

Not funny ha ha, funny weird

— Dean Koontz

I paint what I see and not what others like to see.

— Edouard Manet

It's money. I remember it from when I was single

— Billy Crystal

If we were a sex manual it'd be a best-seller.

— Rick Carlisle

A condoms easier to change than a dirty diaper.

— Brandon Hill

Our journey is just beginning.

— Moses

The more I practise, the luckier I become

— Gary Player

I am not wrong: Wrong is not my name

— June Jordan

What a pathetic play from a pathetic human being.

— Bill Walton

It's just too much for me to handle :O

— Anonymous

Being funny is a very serious business.

— Soupy Sales

You always love funny and you make a laugh!

— Mayte