Congratulations on finally wearing a tassel on something other than your nipples. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only thing worse than a loser is someone who won't admit he played badly. — Kevin Spacey Copy Share Image
Now, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presents.. Gaywatch. — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
I enjoyed working at RKO more than at MGM. At RKO the parts were better! — Laraine Day Copy Share Image
I just recently became aware of how tenuous my life is. I don't have time for fear. — Mike Phillips Copy Share Image
Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It's Halloween and hopefully you people that partied last night didn't wake next to something scary this morning. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“You are such a piece of shit,” I yell into the quiet cab, slapping the horn accidentally. It makes a sound like… — M. Leighton Copy Share Image
It's funny how getting older - or being overlooked and underrated for more than two decades - can make you change your… — Reg E. Cathey Copy Share Image
I found my friends very amusing the first time because they are funny and amusing. They really are because they're people who've… — Duncan Roy Copy Share Image
You do your best, you do all this stuff, but the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. — Amy Grant Copy Share Image
I hate when people see me at the supermarket & they're like, Hey what are you doing here? & I'm like Oh… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
There are many problems with being a comedian: the travel, the late nights, the pressure, the fear of running out of funny… — Jon Richardson Copy Share Image
I'm naturally a fast texter so if it takes me more than 15 minutes to text you back, 95% of the time it's intentional. — Hannah Bowns Copy Share Image
Its not the next day until I go to sleep and wake up , unless its my b day or Christmas. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all of my missing socks. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There are a lot of books showing on how to live longer, but none on why. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
Who am I? What will I be? Why am I here? Where am I going? — Constantin Stanislavski Copy Share Image
The son of a b!tch moment when you're walking around the house in socks and you step on awet spot. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It’s simply doing what you’re supposed to do as well as you can when you’re supposed to do it. — Mike Krzyzewski Copy Share Image
You know the other person is bored of texting when they say 'lol' when you weren't being funny. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We're not too young for love, just too young for about everything there is that goes with love. — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23. — Eliza Brittany Lawn Copy Share Image
I may be crazy, funny,random, and slightly insane.. but u gotta love me :D — Paul Emmanuel Copy Share Image
If opinions are like assholes, then a lot of opinions wear Ed Hardy shirts. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's funny, sometimes life just comes down to bringing a little bit of light to somebody when you can. — Derek Trucks Copy Share Image
And now the question: what do we do with the longing for what can destroy us? — Mary Jo Bang Copy Share Image
The moment when you walk through a spiders web you automatically become a karate chopping ninja — Millie Darlington Copy Share Image
I remember when staying up until midnight was hard to do, now it's a bad habit. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
In truth, it is I who have defiled myself, for one is one s own fiercest enemy. — Ding Ling Copy Share Image
Life is like a Shit Sandwich,the more Bread the less Shit you have to Eat! — Virgil Estep Copy Share Image
Just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message is like looking directly into the sun? — Mk Copy Share Image
