Funny Quotes · Page 643

Even if a farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start.

— E. W. Howe

“When did you get that?" "The shirt? At Macy's. Winter sale.”

— Cassandra Clare

Men Are on This Planet Because Vibrators Can't Buy Drinks ...

— Green Monk

If you find yourself lost in the woods, build a house. "Well, I was lost, but now I live here!"

— Mitch Hedberg

It is not difficult to climb the ladder of success if your father made it.

— Vikrant Parsai

Unpopular speech is absolutely vital to the health of our nation.

— Edward Norton

The Americans sowed the seed, and now they have reaped the whirlwind

— Sebastian Coe

We cannot enter into the presence of God while we are rebelling against God.

— Aiden Wilson Tozer

What's great about stand-up is that you can say whatever you want and go around the country, and sometimes the world, and…

— Natasha Leggero

I love the sad songs with their maudlin, self-deprecating, almost funny lyrics. As an Englishman, they make a lot of sense.

— Teddy Thompson

I show them the funny part, the silly part, the laughing part, the crazy part and then the really deep, deep part…

— Richard Simmons

Baldwin often times stumbles over the truth, but he always picks himself up and hurries on as if nothing had happened.

— Winston Churchill

Dora: What was your favorite part? You: My favorite part was - Dora: I liked that part too! You: DON'T INTERRUPT ME,…

— Anonymous

It's funny, I do think I've been somewhat overlooked, but I've always viewed that as a challenge. Everyone else seems to get…

— Christian Cage

There used to be such a thing as a sick joke, or laughing at misfortune, because comedy and laughter are a way…

— Limmy

He that tries to recommend (Shakespeare) by select quotations, will succeed like the pedant in "Hierocles", who, when he offered his house…

— Samuel Johnson

“I pull out my e-reader and get back to my fictional boyfriend. Lord knows he won't cheat on me.”

— M.D. Saperstein

You say money makes you happy.. well have you ever tried weed??

— Sarahi Gonzalez

The one thing that tackle wasn't was high and dangerous.

— Andy Gray

I'm an optimist, but I'm an optimist who takes his raincoat.

— Harold Wilson

You only live once, for a very short time. So make every second devine.

— Mitch Lucker

I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.

— Stephen Fry

What a leader learns after you've learned it all counts most of all.

— John Wooden

A bargain is something you have to find a use for once you have bought it.

— Benjamin Franklin

Dear Girls, If a Boy Answers your Phone call during CHRIS GAYLE's Batting, He truly Loves you, Marry him

— Ritu Ghatourey

When you have nothing left to burn, you must set yourself on fire.

— Jack Kevorkian

Hansie Cronje. Honestly. I got out to Hansie more than anyone.I never knew what to do with him

— Sachin Tendulkar

There's a funny kind of family thing that happens with every production.

— Nicholas Hammond

Modern houses are so small we've had to train our dog to wag its tail up and down and not sideways.

— Tacitus

I hope they understand that I really understand That they don't understand

— Kid Cudi

The awkward moment when you see a 10 yr with a cooler phone than you,

— Anonymous

“How now, my sweet creature of bombast! How long is't ago, Jack, since thou saw'st thien own knee?”

— William Shakespeare

When the truth cannot be clearly made out, what is false is increased through fear.

— Quintus Curtius Rufus

My wife and I ran through 'Justified' in, like, a day. And that is such a funny, amazing show.

— Adam Pally

Controls them and subdues, transmutes, bereaves Of their bad influence, and their good receives.

— William Wordsworth

I only know how to do me, so that's just what I'm going to do.

— Lana Del Rey

Nobody has a right now to say that the Hindus are not liberal to a fault.

— Swami Vivekananda

Dear Vegetarians, Thanks for saving the good food for us

— Hussein Nishah

“Solving this issue is as easy as turning over one's hand!”

— Luo Guanzhong

“Your eyes shine," he said. "How do they do that?" "Blood," she said.”

— Aimee Bender