Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You're better off being The Beatles than The Monkees, as a startup... — Ben Horowitz Copy Share Image
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil :) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't depend on something that comes from outside. Outside things are never going to make you happy. — Swami Satchidananda Copy Share Image
I went to work and did a lot of homework about what was wrong with me — Margot Kidder Copy Share Image
I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine? — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaagghhh!!' and everyone just stares at you.… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
“You cannot expect a man to love you, but not because of your body or physical construction. It is like giving a… — M.F. Moonzajer Copy Share Image
I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted… — Dolly Parton Copy Share Image
It's funny because 'Felicity' didn't have a huge following, but the following it did have is hugely devoted, so people who are… — Ian Gomez Copy Share Image
Not that they were that anxious to see Ronnie as President; they were afraid if he didn't get elected, he'd go back… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
I feel that I owe a lot to SpongeBob and all Bikini Bottom for helping me figure out what I thought was… — David Dobrik Copy Share Image
Necessarily may it not be said catastrophe the burying of cities into the depths of the Ocean, bursting of the Earth, disasters… — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
Some people get into comedy because they love comedy. Then there are people who have a message and have realised that if… — Aisling Bea Copy Share Image
When you do more than you're paid for eventually you'll be paid for more than you do. — Zig Ziglar Copy Share Image
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm always in situations where you can't be funny, and yet I want to do it anyway. — Tim Heidecker Copy Share Image
When an Italian tells me it's pasta on the plate, I check under the sauce to make sure. — Alex Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think the reason Jesus is so popular, just on a celebrity level, is that he died at the peak of his… — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
I don't need to be NUMBER 1 in something. As long as I am not as TRYING HARD as YOU ARE. shame… — ALYSSA Copy Share Image
The question is not "To be or not to be," it is what we should be until we are not. — Soren Kierkegaard Copy Share Image
Steve Buscemi, in between takes, becomes like a clam. It's hard to get a word out of him. It's very funny. — Peter Stormare Copy Share Image
We don't wear sequins because we think we're great. We wear them because we think sequins are great. — Gram Parsons Copy Share Image
At every concert I've sensed a certain insecurity about the tempo. It's clearly marked 80...uh, 69. — Eugene Ormandy Copy Share Image
It’s not when you press the shutter, but why you press the shutter. — Mary Ellen Mark Copy Share Image
Either you will be under the blood or you will place the blood under you. — Adrian Rogers Copy Share Image
Pretending to never get the text, from An annoying person who won't leave you alone -.- — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Janetty tried to dive through the window to escape, what an act of cowardice. — Bobby Heenan Copy Share Image
You can take the woman outta the trash, but you can't take the trash out a the woman. — Charles de Lint Copy Share Image
