I like my women like I like my weekend - short, filled with liquor and gone by Monday. — Nishan Singh Copy Share Image
Tel-Aviv airport is still the only airport in the world where each passenger is met by ten relatives. — George Mikes Copy Share Image
“Whenever a woman smiled his way, she'd already begun dividing her life into trimesters.” — Ta-Nehisi Coates Copy Share Image
I used to work with autistic children, and they said a lot of funny things to me. — James Acaster Copy Share Image
I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life; if I die tomorrow. — Vicky Copy Share Image
“All women may not be beautiful but every woman can look beautiful.” — Amit Kalantri Copy Share Image
There's a guy in the audience with a distinctive laugh. I hope that guy is miked. The only problem with having a… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I always felt like the best comedy came out of sadness, and some of my favourite shows growing up - a lot… — Raphael Bob-Waksberg Copy Share Image
LOVE, A temporary insanity curable by marriage or the removing of the patient from the influences under which he or she incurred… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It's funny: one of the strongest parts of my game today is heading, and that only really developed when I started playing… — Vincent Kompany Copy Share Image
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
“Something in me didnt believe that. I read it again, trying to make sense of the old-fashioned language. Mason watched me curiously,… — Richelle Mead Copy Share Image
I think the amazing thing about 'Twin Peaks' was that it completely changed television from that point forward. It showed everyone that… — Madchen Amick Copy Share Image
