Funny Quotes · Page 297

I never think about anybody. I let them think about me.

— Wyomia Tyus

I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.

— Anonymous

Decoupage hit Mooreland pretty hard...

— Haven Kimmel

To boldly grow where no one has groan before.

— David Hobson

Ontogeny re-capitulates phylogeny.

— Ernst Haeckel

God cannot be explained... God can only be lived.

— Meher Baba

Pretty and demented at the same time, like me.

— Billie Joe Armstrong

Talk without effort is nothing.

— Maria W. Stewart

I feel like I'm a cockroach when I'm sleeping on my back trying to get up

— Nikhil Saluja

Who says women cant think consistently? . . . . My wife thinks that she's just 20 for the past 15 years

— Green Monk

When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.

— Frederick Bushnell Ryder

We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast.

— Logan Pearsall Smith

You win some and you lose some. Unless you're Virgil, then you lose them all.

— Bobby Heenan

Only you have the power to change your thoughts. Alter your thoughts and you alter your world.

— Miranda Kerr

We have so much love to give, and the more that we give, the more we receive.

— Rhonda Byrne

And all the loveliest things there be come simply, so it seems to me.

— Edna St. Vincent Millay

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said,…

— Steven Wright

Le coeur d'une me' re est un ab|"me au fond duquel se trouve toujours un pardon. A mother'sheart isanabyss atthebottomof whichthere is…

— Honore de Balzac

I don't look at my work as being violent. 'Officer Downe' is more campy than anything. It's a comic book, so it's…

— Shawn Crahan

“I am not going to give you disclaimers about what you can expect to find in my story. I went through menopause…

— BadSquirrel

Her friends say she is very funny. At a family dinner, she stood to go, and the footman very properly pulled her…

— Prince Andrew

“Cat's friends seemed like very sweet girls," Dad says. "They were the bomb," I say fervently, and he looks back at me…

— Maya Gold

Moe's the first character that I played that actually allowed me to embrace all parts of myself, including my physical appearance, the…

— Kiana Madeira

I guess the more serious you play something, if the context is funny, then it will be funny and it doesn't really…

— Jesse Eisenberg

Listen to Everyone. Ideas come from everywhere

— Tom Peters

I own and operate a ferocious ego.

— Bill Moyers

Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.

— Norm MacDonald

Acupuncture : . . . a jab well done.

— Nikhil Saluja

I do to others what they do to me, only worse.

— Jimmy Hoffa

I live to ride, and ride to live.

— Ryan Sheckler

You change the rules or you are going under.

— Caroline Myss

I am not a passenger in anything I do.

— Derek Fisher

I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing!

— John Banner

Before we can be cured, we must want to be cured.

— C. S. Lewis

The Hindus progressed in the subjective sciences.

— Swami Vivekananda

You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!

— Phyllis Diller

I like all Jim Carrey films. They're really funny.

— Rupert Grint

If you see a bandwagon, its too late.

— James Goldsmith

Unsubstantial Death is amorous.

— William Shakespeare

I'm not fat. My stomach is just in 3D.

— Anonymous