Sport is the only profession I know of that when you retire you have to go to work. — Earl Monroe Copy Share Image
Come to the dark side we have cookies ……are u seriously surprised we lied about having cookies — Unknow Copy Share Image
Where I come from, they won't let me play with this rope. They think I might hurt myself. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can't stop smiling like an idiot. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't whistle at you down the street. I would if I could, but I can't whistle you see. — Elton John Copy Share Image
I love Mikhail Bulgakov. He is very original and takes the story to unexpected places. I didn't realise political writing could be… — Denise Mina Copy Share Image
When it comes to racism, you hear people say, "I don't care if people are white, black, purple or green." Hold on,… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I had a terrible time hiring rich people. It sounds funny, but the problem is when things go wrong they can ask,… — Ben Horowitz Copy Share Image
'Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say... sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of... it doesn't really mean anything.… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Nothing interferes with my concentration. You could put on an orgy in my office and I wouldn't look up. Well, maybe once.. — Isaac Asimov Copy Share Image
That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
[On the Dating Handbook] 'With a telescope, some munchies, and a warm blanket, watch for Halley's comet.' Yeah. I like that. There's… — David Cross Copy Share Image
“You won't tell?" "I'll add it to the box under my bed labeled 'The Secret Confession of the Immortal Pia'. Good Lord,… — Jessica Khoury Copy Share Image
![“[On the Dating Handbook] 'With a telescope, some munchies, and a warm blanket, watch for Halley's comet.' Yeah. I like that. There's no time limit. Just sit there and grow old together.” quote by David Cross](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/bf1/david-cross-3386_blanket_on-the-dating-handbook-with-a-telescope_3033428.png)
