Alarms Quote by Mitch Hedberg Download Open image “I got a smoke alarm at home, but really it's more like a 9-volt-battery-slowly-drainer.” — Mitch Hedberg ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 4.4 out of 5 (7 ratings) Copy quoteShare Alarms Batteries Funny Home Humor Smoke Volt
When I was a chain smoker, I used to wake up and the first thing I'd do was reach for a cigarette, basically. And… — Charlie Brooker Copy Share Image
How hasn't someone invented a smoke detector that can tell the difference between blazing inferno & toast?!? — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
The smoke alarm went off in the hallway upstairs, either to let us know the battery had just died or because the house was… — Don DeLillo Copy Share Image
“Beeping smoke detectors means low batteries, not 'take them out and burn your kitchen down.' Fire Captain James Haskell failing badly at flirting over… — Carina Alyce Copy Share Image
“Lick a 9-Volt Battery” was chosen as the first topic in Fifty Dangerous Things because we thought that most parents would have already done… — Gever Tulley Copy Share Image
I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same. So if somebody asks me what time it is, I… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
There was a product on late night TV that you could attach to your garden hose - "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the beat, the… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I like wearing necklaces, because it lets me know when I'm upside down. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I'm sick of Soup Of The Day, man. It's time we make a decision. I need to know what Soup From Now On is. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I have a friend who is a juggler. If I'm at his house, I don't like to take food from him, if it's in… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I don't get the regular AIDS test anymore. I get the roundabout AIDS test. I ask my friend Brian, "Do you know anybody who… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I don't know how to fix a car. If the car breaks down, and the gas tank does not say "E", I'm screwed. But… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
What's a sesame seed grow into? I don't know we never give them a chance, what the fuck is a sesame?! It's a street...… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I went to a restaurant with my friend, and he said, "Pass the salt." I said, "Screw you! Sit closer to the salt." — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Were the life of man prolonged, he would become such a proficient in villainy, that it would become necessary again to drown or to… — Charles Caleb Colton Copy Share Image
There's a statement from several members of the Senate, both Democrats and Republicans, including the Democratic leader, Charles Schumer; John McCain, the chair of… — George Stephanopoulos Copy Share Image
Here in the UK the audience immediately reacts and they get the fact that: "What would be the most annoying thing in the world?"… — Duncan Jones Copy Share Image
It is a hard matter for a man to lie all over, nature having provided king's evidence in almost every member. The hand will… — Washington Allston Copy Share Image
Who then is free? the wise man who is lord over himself; Whom neither poverty nor death, nor chains alarm; strong to withstand his… — Horace Copy Share Image
Modern man threw a brick through his own window in order to sell himself a burglar alarm. — Allen Carr Copy Share Image
I understand the power and the alarm of words - Not those that they applaud from theatre-boxes, but those which make coffins break from… — Vladimir Mayakovsky Copy Share Image
I don't know who Azazel is," he said. "Isn't he the cat from The Smurfs?" He cast about , but Isabelle just looked up… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
The beloved may be treacherous, greasy-headed and given to evil habits, or else it can be a man in his late forties who works… — Kelly Link Copy Share Image
Those who have past much of their lives in this great city, look upon its opulence and its multitudes, its extent and variety, with… — Samuel Johnson Copy Share Image
Unfortunately, I'm one of those idiots who knows everything about health and is in a constant state of alarm, and yet I continue to… — Jonathan Ames Copy Share Image
When I see a new face, something sets off an alarm bell inside me. 'slow down! Danger!' Even when the attraction is strongest, I… — Albert Camus Copy Share Image
