Bags Quote by Jack Handey

“Today I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in front of our house. And I thought, I too am like that snail. I build a defensive wall around myself, a "shell" if you will. But my shell isn't made out of a hard, protective substance. Mine is made out of tinfoil and paper bags.” quote by Jack Handey — Download Open image

“Today I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in front of our house. And I thought, I too am like that snail. I build a defensive wall around myself, a "shell" if you will. But my shell isn't made out of a hard, protective substance. Mine is made out of tinfoil and paper bags.”

Jack Handey

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 3.8 out of 5 (8 ratings)

Bags Deep thought House Made Paper Paper bag Paper bags Protective Shells Sidewalk Snail Substance Today Wall

More by Jack Handey

Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.

Jack Handey

Image

I think the best Thanksgiving we ever had was one where we didn't even have a turkey. Mom and Dad sat us kids down and explained that business hadn't been good at Dad's store, so we couldn't afford a turkey. We had vegetables and bread and pie, and it was just fine. Later on, I went into Mom and Dad's…

Jack Handey

At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you…

Jack Handey

Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.

Jack Handey

Image

I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?

Jack Handey

Image

It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a…

Jack Handey

Image

Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK HE'S GOING?!

Jack Handey

I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy a solid-gold pick. Then I'd go out west and start digging for gold. When someone came up and asked what I was doing, I'd say, "Looking for gold, ya durn fool." He'd say, "Your pick is…

Jack Handey

Why do there have to be rules for everything? It's gotten to the point that rules dominate just about every aspect of our lives.…

Jack Handey

Image

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can…

Jack Handey

Image

Here's a suggestion for a new animal, if some new ones get created or evolve: something that stings you, then laughs at you.

Jack Handey

Image

When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.

Jack Handey

Image

Explore all 358 Jack Handey quotes

More Bags quotes

Why couldn't Jesus command us to obsess over everything, to try to control and manipulate people, to try not to breathe at all, or…

Anne Lamott

Image

I love Christopher Bailey and Burberry, Mulberry for bags, and Hudson for jeans. I like a little bit of designer with a bit of…

Cara Delevingne

Image

'Constitutional' is just a real pip of a word. Positively rolls off the tongue. In fact, it's downright fun to say. 'Con-stit-too-shun-al.' It's the…

Paul Feig

Image

I have a dress fitting to get to at three.' (Simon) 'Cool,' said Kyle, slinging his messenger bag over his shoulder and heading for…

Cassandra Clare

Image

Never bet with anyone you meet on the first tee who has a deep suntan, a 1-iron in his bag, and squinty eyes.

Dave Marr

Image

If you go out on the Appalachian Trail, you have to bring so much more equipment - a tent, sleeping bag - but if…

Bill Bryson

Image

Politics is not bean bags. It's serious, tough stuff.

Colin Powell

Image

I like bags that are easy to wear and are pretty to look at. But I don't like them when they have no space…

Alice Dellal

Image

I drive a Prius. I always turn my faucets off. I never use plastic bottles anymore. I use glass bottles. I bring my own…

Brooke D'Orsay

Image

Then there are some minor points that strike me as suggestive - for instance, the position of Mrs. Hubbard's sponge bag, the name of…

Agatha Christie

Image

It was a mind-blowing experience, it really was-absolutely an awesome thing. . . . As I got to the top I released a bag…

Anonymous

Image

You know the best thing about aeroplanes? Apart from the peanuts in little silver bags, I mean. It's looking out of the windows at the clouds and thinking maybe I could go walking in there. Maybe it's a special place where everything's okay. Sometimes I do go walking in the clouds but it's just cold and wet and empty. But…

Neil Gaiman

Browse all 1,114 Bags quotes

Bags Quote by Jack Handey

Related quotes

More by Jack Handey

More Bags quotes