Witty Quotes

2578 quotes by 687 authors

I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants — Dave Beard
I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry — Norman Wisdom
I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room — Mercedes McCambridge
If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth — Logan Pearsall Smith
I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced — Ruby Wax
I'm for whatever gets you through the night — Frank Sinatra
It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes — Jay London
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings — Jay London
Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of — Robert Benchley
There are truths of which I have an inkling, but of most I have only a pencilling — Robert Breault
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. — Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Love requires a willingness to die; marriage, a willingness to live. — Mignon McLaughlin
What we love about love is the fever, which marriage puts to bed and cures. — Mignon McLaughlin
Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk. — Mignon McLaughlin
In the early years, you fight because you don't understand each other. In the later years, you fight because you do. — Joan Didion
I won't belong to a club that accepts me as a member — Oscar Wilde
Honesty is the foundation of a sound character and the keystone of all other virtues. It is the cement without which all other redeeming features… — William Grant Bangerter
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. — John Quinton
Is there some thought being given to subsidizing the clearing of rainforests in order for some countries to eliminate that production of greenhouse gases? — Dana Rohrabacher
Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish — Chevy Chase

Who Wrote These Witty Quotes

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