Witty Quotes

2578 quotes by 687 authors

Joan Rivers turned into one of the people she used to make fun of. — Nikhil Saluja
I saw a butterfly with a tattoo of a teenage girl on its wing. — Nikhil Saluja
Theres two kinds of women: The kind that get married and have a bunch of kids, and The kind that stay single and have a… — Nikhil Saluja
Time is a great healer but a lousy beautician. — Nikhil Saluja
Better to be thought stupid than to speak and remove all doubt. — Nikhil Saluja
Someone told me I should run for president. Dont you think that weve had enough boobs in the White House? — Nikhil Saluja
Hillary Clinton says she's the most qualified because she was married to a president for eight years. Now let me ask you, if a brain… — Nikhil Saluja
I was watching Gene Simmons' TV show, Family Jewels. Or as it's known in the business, 'The Osbournes' Without the Talented Father. — Nikhil Saluja
After miraculously surviving two heart surgeries, pneumonia and a mild stroke, at 82 my grandfather was no longer able to care for himself. Now he… — Nikhil Saluja
Barack Obama bowled a 37. Is he black enough for you now? — Nikhil Saluja
I got a teenage daughter and a menopausal wife. One's getting breasts, one's getting whiskers. My life is over. — Nikhil Saluja
My uncle is in a coma - he's living the dream. — Nikhil Saluja
I think I might vote for Barack Obama. Because I live in New York City and have been giving black guys change for the past… — Nikhil Saluja
Alex Rodriguez never gets clutch hits in October, yet his fans insist on comparing him to Babe Ruth. So A-Rod tries to get as close… — Nikhil Saluja
I took nine years of French, but I can't remember any of it. I realized on the plane ride over that if someone doesn't ask… — Nikhil Saluja
You know why the US can't find Osama Bin Laden? They're using the wrong agency to look for him. Don't send the Army, Navy, Marines… — Nikhil Saluja
I was eating an orange the other day and a friend said, Did you know nothing rhymes with 'orange?' So, I threw the orange at… — Nikhil Saluja
I got a fortune cookie today. It said I should invest in something fun on four wheels. I don't know if that meant I should… — Nikhil Saluja
On his daughter's diaper: There was so much poop. It didn't look like a baby's poop. It looked like a 55-year-old alcoholic took a dump — Nikhil Saluja
Not to brag but its women who always say 'SORRY' to me Like this women in bar last night said: SORRY Asshole, I don't wanna… — Nikhil Saluja

Who Wrote These Witty Quotes

687 authors contributed a total of 2,578 Witty Quotes, led by these top contributors: