Witty Quotes

2578 quotes by 687 authors

If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts. — Nikhil Saluja
I typed the word Google into Google. Guess what came up? Everything. — Nikhil Saluja
You know what would be fun? To have a set of twins, name them Dumbo and Goofy and then just sit back and see how… — Nikhil Saluja
In this country, alcohol is hardly ever seen as a drug problem. Instead, we think of it as more of a driving problem. — Nikhil Saluja
I dont own any stocks or bonds. All my money is tied up in debt. — Nikhil Saluja
There are caregivers and there are caretakers, and yet the two words are not opposites. Why is this? — Nikhil Saluja
I have an impersonal trainer. We meet at the gym, we dont talk, he works out alone, and I go home. — Nikhil Saluja
You know what's fun? Go to a German restaurant and insist on using chopsticks. — Nikhil Saluja
If a guy tells you he's not ready for a relationship, it's ok to give him time. Just not any of yours...he's clearly not interested. — Nikhil Saluja
If you love someone so much you're waiting for them, you're noble. If you're making someone who loves you wait for you, you're an asshole. — Nikhil Saluja
Justin Beiber? I didn't know I had a little sister. — Nikhil Saluja
Ask and you shall receive does not apply to ugly people. — Nikhil Saluja
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Leo and she's a bitch. — Nikhil Saluja
Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook. — Nikhil Saluja
People on a diet should have a salad dressing called 250 Islands. — Nikhil Saluja
Here's my idea for another one of those reality-based TV shows: No Survivors! One by one, a psychopathic serial killer tracks down and kills all… — Nikhil Saluja
One thing nice about being dead is that you immediately become eligible to appear on stamps and money. — Nikhil Saluja
Regarding jam sessions: jazz musicians are the only workers I can think of who are willing to put in a full shift for pay and… — Nikhil Saluja
Griddle cakes, pancakes, hotcakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love? — Nikhil Saluja
When you think about it, 12:15 p.m. is actually 11:75 a.m. — Nikhil Saluja

Who Wrote These Witty Quotes

687 authors contributed a total of 2,578 Witty Quotes, led by these top contributors: