« All Some Quotes · Jack Handey's Page
Best Some Quotes by Jack Handey
- How come, just as the rocket is launching, the astronauts don't also shoot some fireworks out the window? It would make the whole takeoff look…
- People just naturally assume that dogs would be incapable of working together on some sort of construction project. But what about just a big field…
- Isn't it funny how whenever we go to a county fair or a state fair, the first thing we do is see if they have…
- If you're ever stuck in some thick undergrowth in your underwear, don't stop and start thinking of what other words have "under" in them, because…
- The big, huge meteor headed toward the Earth. Could nothing stop it? Maybe Bob could. He was suddenly on top of the meteor-through some kind…
- If the captain invited me to his party, after he had whipped me earlier in the day, up on deck, I guess I'd go, but…
- I think one way police departments could make some money would be to hold a yard sale of murder weapons. Many people, for example, could…
- Here's a suggestion for a new animal, if some new ones get created or evolve: something that stings you, then laughs at you.
- Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it "dull" that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant,…
- Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway;…
- I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk…
- Here's a good trick: Get a job as a judge at the Olympics. Then, if some guy sets a world record, pretend that you didn't…
- In some places it's known as a tornado. In others, a cyclone. And in still others, the Idiot's Merry-go-round. But around here they'll always be…
- Folks still remember the day ole Bob Riley came bouncing down that dirt road in his pickup. Pretty soon, it was bouncing higher and higher.…
- Perhaps, if I am very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime will someday be noticed, and maybe, in some small way, they will be…
- If you want to be the popular one at a party, here's a good thing to do: Go up to some people who are talking…
- If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of…
More Some Quotes
- I'm hoping someday that some kid, black or white, will hit more home runs than myself. Whoever it is, I'd be pulling… — Hank Aaron
- Why, I'd like nothing better than to achieve some bold adventure, worthy of our trip. — Aristophanes
- If liberty and equality, as is thought by some, are chiefly to be found in democracy, they will be best attained when… — Aristotle
- To run away from trouble is a form of cowardice and, while it is true that the suicide braves death, he does… — Aristotle
- Every art and every inquiry, and similarly every action and choice, is thought to aim at some good; and for this reason… — Aristotle
- We have some material on spying by a major government on the tech industry. Industrial espionage. — Julian Assange
- I guess I wanted to leave America for awhile. It wasn't that I wanted to become an expatriate, or just never come… — Paul Auster
- Some choices we live not only once but a thousand times over, remembering them for the rest of our lives. — Richard Bach
- I would not suggest the U.S. should sit down with the North Koreans bilaterally immediately after they've fired missiles - because the… — Richard Armitage
- What annoys the hell out of me is the arrogance of some people. They don't even listen to our music, they decided… — Billie Joe Armstrong
- For some young people, their first experience ever hearing punk rock music was playing the Green Bay Packers on 'Madden'. — Billie Joe Armstrong
- I'm not going to conform to some consumer need. — Billie Joe Armstrong