« All Funny Facebook Status Quotes · George Carlin's Page
Funny Facebook Status Quotes by George Carlin
- Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
- Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
- Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
- You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
- You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
- I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
- If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
- If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
- Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
- Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice?'
More Funny Facebook Status Quotes
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving be me. — Wystan Hugh Auden
- Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. — Joey Adams
- You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. — Dave Barry
- Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. — Dave Barry
- Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing harmful can enter except by your permission. — Arnold Bennett
- Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. — Josh Billings
- All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is… — Erma Bombeck
- Who so loves believes the impossible. — Elizabeth Barrett Browning
- It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. — George Burns
- A man is known by the company his mind keeps. — Thomas Bailey Aldrich
- Weather forecast for tonight: dark. — George Carlin