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Feel Quotes by Jack Handey
- Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring…
- If you ever feel like you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown, just follow these simple rules: First, calm down; second, come over and…
- If I was being executed by injection, I'd clean up my cell real neat. Then, when they came to get me, I'd say, "Injection? I…
- A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go…
- I wish a robot would get elected President. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not…
- When the chairman introduced the guest speaker as a former illegal alien, I got up from my chair and yelled, "What's the matter, no jobs…
- I hate it when people say somebody has a "speech impediment", even if he does, because it could hurt his feelings. So instead, I call…
- I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, you could get hit by…
- Sometimes I wonder if I'm sexy enough. When I walk into a singles bar with my "fashionable" shirt, "fashionable" slacks, and a big new rubber…
- I want to recriminalise homosexuality, so i can feel dirty when i do it.
- Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers…
More Feel Quotes
- As we all know, many people remain buried under tons of rubble and debris, waiting to be rescued. When we think of… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- I feel like obviously the standard for what TV looks like changes all the time. — J. J. Abrams
- Stories surge up out of nowhere, and if they feel compelling, you follow them. You let them unfold inside you and see… — Paul Auster
- Writing makes you feel that there is a reason to go on living. If I couldn't write, I would stop breathing. — Paul Auster
- Yes, all fundamentalists feel that in a secular society, God has been relegated to the margin, to the periphery and they are… — Karen Armstrong
- It suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth. I put up my thumb and shut one… — Neil Armstrong
- No matter how busy you are, you must take time to make the other person feel important. — Mary Kay Ash
- Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, 'Make me feel important.' Never forget this message when working with people. — Mary Kay Ash
- Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, 'Make me feel important.' Not… — Mary Kay Ash
- We don't have sources who are dissidents on other sources. Should they come forward, that would be a tricky situation for us.… — Julian Assange
- I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears. — Dave Attell
- People must feel that the natural world is important and valuable and beautiful and wonderful and an amazement and a pleasure. — David Attenborough