"I want to recriminalise homosexuality, so i can……" — Jack Handey

"I want to recriminalise homosexuality, so i can feel dirty when i do it."

— Jack Handey

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397 Quotes by Jack Handey

Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…

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More Comedy Quotes

This quote is filed under Comedy Quotes, one of 2,637 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:

One of my favorite things about 'Star Trek' wasn't just the overt banter but the humor in that show about… — J. J. Abrams
When I was a kid, among the other embarrassing things I would do, and there's a list of stupid things,… — J. J. Abrams
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest. — Rowan Atkinson
Monty Python crowd; half of them came from Cambridge, and half of them came from Oxford. But, there seems to… — Rowan Atkinson
Comedy, drama, Westerns, sci-fi... it's all fine if the story's compelling and the character is interesting to me. I do… — Jensen Ackles
Don't get me wrong, there are sometimes if I go and see a really funny comedy, that I wished I… — Stephen Baldwin
The only thing I would unequivocally say is that I have never had any interest in romantic comedy I just… — Christian Bale
I will never say never, but I will say never to doing the more typical romantic comedies. You know, unless… — Christian Bale
In terms of the romantic kind of lead, I just never enjoy those movies very much. Maybe they'll come to… — Christian Bale
I would never say never to returning to comedy. — Eric Bana
By the time I finished comedy, I was really burnt out of it. I had had enough. I don't really… — Eric Bana
I loved comedy all my life. I think it's a real powerful art form. — Roseanne Barr

See all 2,637 Comedy Quotes »