Comedy Quotes

2637 quotes by 1344 authors

Last night I lay awake watching the stars and I thought to myself; 'where the heck is the ceiling?' — Unknown Author
One bed One pillow, wanna go night night nigga? — Kevin Hart
Na, whose this is? — Cheech Marin
I can do 9 positions in 23 seconds!!!! — Kevin Hart
Somebody come here and look at this...look at this...God damn cat drinking milk out the bowl. GET OUT THE BOWL! — Kevin Hart
I can't cook. I use a smoke alarm as a timer. — Unknown Author
Well wtriten. I am a little disappointed seeing as though the two women pictured are already getting work. I could almost understand it coming from… — Maria
O you gonna go get steve huh....give me the trash ill take it out — Unknown Author
Life in the movie business is like the beginning of a new love affair: it's full of surprises, and you're constantly getting f*cked. — David Mamet
We got so much food in America we're allergic to food. Allergic to food! Hungry people ain't allergic to shit. You think anyone in Rwanda's… — Chris Rock
We have a gameshow called survivor in this country. It's a game in our country. Where you can win a million dollars living in a… — Daniel Tosh
I surrender. Watch my freshies ! Watch my freshies ! Ahhh! Don't worry kids I'll save you. — Pauly D
Mmmm, its funny that I miss your face its funny time hasn't took your place its funny cause I can't say why love's funny dunno… — Justice Garcia
I didn't realize how much people liked to bash SNL until I was on. I've always just liked it, and I've always watched it and… — Andy Samberg
My favorite comedy is self-effacing, where the person doing the joke is the butt of it. That's always been the stuff I've gravitated toward. And… — Andy Samberg
Im wary of doing romantic comedies, you could end up doing them all the time. Business-wise, those movies are very safe. Theyre tailored to Middle… — Megan Fox
I'm a hopeless romantic. My middle name is Love. Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday. I want to have a family and children. I am… — Jennifer Love Hewitt
Comedy is way more difficult than drama. What I might find funny, the editor might not find funny. They might choose the reaction shot from… — Neil Patrick Harris
So I kept it to myself. Then some of my classmates started to come down to the comedy club, taking a girl out, and they… — Chris Tucker
Its crazy because people expect you to be funny all the time and every day is not a funny day. I go to funerals and… — Chris Tucker

Who Wrote These Comedy Quotes

1,344 authors contributed a total of 2,637 Comedy Quotes, led by these top contributors: