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Best All Quotes by Dave Barry
- You've read newspaper stories about elderly widows who die and leave their entire estates to their pet cats, right? Well, your cat reads those stories…
- Spreadsheet: a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat "what if?" questions and generate thousands of…
- But the feeling I have, you know, is that I'll never come close to reading all, or even a thousandth- a billionth- of the books…
- I liked making people laugh, and I decided I was an atheist early on. My Dad was all right with that. We argued about it…
- Unless you live in Indonesia, there should be several malls within five miles of your home. It makes no difference whatsoever which one you go…
- You should definitely have a travel agent. Why go through all the hassle of dealing with airlines, hotels, and rental-car agencies yourself, only to see…
- A hundred years ago, it could take you the better part of a year to get from New York to California; whereas today, because of…
- Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just hand you a…
- We have been flooded with postal cards from all over the United States and several parallel universes. Just a quick glance though these cards is…
- The beer sold here in the United States is sweet and watery and lacking in taste and overcarbonated and just generally the lamest, wimpiest beer…
- This (America) is a land of rich diversity, from the towering skyscrapers of Manhatan all the way to the towering mounds of garbage piled up…
- Earnest is our dog. She senses instantly that something is wrong, and guided by that timeless and unerring nurturing instinct that all female dogs have,…
- The first animals to be successfully domesticated were dogs, which were a big help because they would bark all night and fetch thrown sticks, thereby…
- When I say "dogs", I'm talking about dogs, which are large, bounding, salivating animals, usually with bad breath. I am not talking about those little…
- England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.
- The Romans spent the next 200 years using their great engineering skill to construct ruins all over Europe.
- If for some reason you are unsure where to go, all you have to do is stand there looking lost, and within seconds a helpful…
- Within less than an hour, Chuck and I easily located what could well be the correct platform, where we pass the time by perspiring freely…
- We decide to start with the best-known sight of all, the one that, more than any other, exemplifies what the Big Apple is all about:…
- I am absolutely sick unto death of hearing people say - they all say this; it must be Item One on the curriculum in Trend…
- The greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison Edison's first major invention, in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soon be found in…
- To defend Western Europe we have to let the Pentagon buy all these tanks and guns and things, and the Pentagon is unable to buy…
- All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the…
- Harry is heavily into camping, and every year in the late fall, he makes us all go to Assateague, which is an island on the…
- The problem ... is that we have run out of dinosaurs to form oil with. Scientists working for the Department of Energy have tried to…
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- Total loyalty is possible only when fidelity is emptied of all concrete content, from which changes of mind might naturally arise. — Hannah Arendt
- No cause is left but the most ancient of all, the one, in fact, that from the beginning of our history has… — Hannah Arendt
- The ultimate end of human acts is eudaimonia, happiness in the sense of living well, which all men desire; all acts are… — Hannah Arendt
- The new always happens against the overwhelming odds of statistical laws and their probability, which for all practical, everyday purposes amounts to… — Hannah Arendt
- Where all are guilty, no one is; confessions of collective guilt are the best possible safeguard against the discovery of culprits, and… — Hannah Arendt
- We have almost succeeded in leveling all human activities to the common denominator of securing the necessities of life and providing for… — Hannah Arendt
- I keep my friends as misers do their treasure, because, of all the things granted us by wisdom, none is greater or… — Pietro Aretino
- We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- The spirit of Ubuntu, that once led Haiti to emerge as the first independent black nation in 1804, helped Venezuela, Colombia and… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- As we all know, many people remain buried under tons of rubble and debris, waiting to be rescued. When we think of… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Wise people, even though all laws were abolished, would still lead the same life. — Aristophanes
- A friend to all is a friend to none. — Aristotle