Comedy Quote by Bill Bailey

I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but…

— Bill Bailey

Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

— Bill Bailey

I did a show in this tiny town called Longyearbyen. We went snowmobiling around Svalbard and saw Arctic foxes, snow bunting, polar bear footprints…

— Bill Bailey

I hate getting ill, it irritates me so I try to stay reasonably healthy.

— Bill Bailey

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

— Bill Bailey

There is something very poignant about plastic bags. These lonely plastic bags that gradually disintegrate.

— Bill Bailey

At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment…

— Bill Bailey

I am pretty laid-back as a parent, but I do like a lot of activity. So I am constantly suggesting things to do that…

— Bill Bailey

Work hard, save and live within your means.

— Bill Bailey

There's more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.

— Bill Bailey

I don't think any comic could say there isn't a bit of them that doesn't want to show off.

— Bill Bailey

Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!!

— Bill Bailey