My grandparents would have big, long arguments that were entertaining and that's where I first noticed, and was thrilled by, political discourse. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
What I'd like to do now - well, what I'd like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?". The horse replies: "I'm deeply troubled by the… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
All kinds of things have gone into my shows - cajun and rock bands, Bollywood, Kraftwerk tributes, effects and so on. As… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
It's been Bill for so long people think my name is William, but it's not, it's Mark. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
For me, audio books was about when you can't actually physically get hold of a book, like when you're driving. It's a… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is that's… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I did a show in this tiny town called Longyearbyen. We went snowmobiling around Svalbard and saw Arctic foxes, snow bunting, polar bear footprints… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I hate getting ill, it irritates me so I try to stay reasonably healthy. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
There is something very poignant about plastic bags. These lonely plastic bags that gradually disintegrate. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I am pretty laid-back as a parent, but I do like a lot of activity. So I am constantly suggesting things to do that… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I don't think any comic could say there isn't a bit of them that doesn't want to show off. — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!! — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
