Stephen Colbert Quotes

324 quotes in 3728 categories

• Apply Truth liberally to the inflamed area.
• I scream, you scream, we all scream... for the truth.
• Warmth is to sun, as truth is to me.
• Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.
• I'm not a fan of facts. You see, the facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.
• When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday.. no matter what happened Tuesday.
• I love being onstage. I love the relationship with the audience. I love the letting go, the sense of discovery, the improvising.
• My mom kind of led me toward acting. She wanted to be an actress when she was younger. That made me interested in it when…
• Reality has a well-known liberal bias.
• My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories, that was my…
• The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday,…
• Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to believe.
• I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.
• Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those…
• You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take ourselves seriously on any level; we're just comedians.
• People are constantly saying, 'How's it feel to have such an impact?' I just want to be funny. I'm a comedian, not a political thinker.…
• I'm not a fan of facts. You see, facts can change, but my opinion will never change, no matter what the facts are.
• Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out…
• As God said to Job, Checkmate
• Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier than fake news executives. They dont know theyre being funny.

Browse Stephen Colbert Quotes by Category