Best Rodney Dangerfield Quotations
- Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender… Arm
- I can't get no respect. Complaining
- Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with… Age
- My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud. Earth
- I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price. Dropped
- I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport. Airport
- My family was a bunch of drunks. When I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch. Bottle
- Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive! Comedy
- The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there! Bar
- Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot! Circles
- At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind. Age
- I'm at an age where I think more about food than I do about sex. Last week I put a mirror over my dining room… Age
- Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone. Challenges
- What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it. Dog
- Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid! All
- One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?'… Buddy
- During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. Always Wants
- Once when I was lost I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'Do you think we'll ever find… Answered
- They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another. Bed
- I don't get no respect Inspirational
- If I could have dinner with anyone who lived in history, it would depend on the restaurant. Anyone
- I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought… All
- To me, Viagra is the same as Disneyland. You wait an hour for a two-minute ride. Disneyland
- I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. Fat
- My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. Beauty
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