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Me Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
- I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!
- Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
- My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
- I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk…
- My boy is a mean kid. I came home the other day and saw him taping worms to the sidewalk, he sits there and watches…
- I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
- When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"
- I told my doctor, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills" and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
- My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
- What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
- A hooker once told me she had a headache.
- The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
- With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to…
- My life is nothing but pressure. All pressure. This pressure is like a heaviness. It's always on top of me, this heaviness. It's always there…
- Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?'
- When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up.
- When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.
- Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
- When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.
- My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
- Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
- Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
- During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
- Once when I was lost I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'Do you think we'll ever find…
- I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought…
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More Me Quotes
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore… — Pietro Aretino
- Flattery and deceit are the darlings of great men, and so with these men spread the butter on thick, if you want… — Pietro Aretino
- Having been a child actor, I remember how directors would trick me to get good performances out of me. I don't think… — Asia Argento
- Boxing gave me the opportunities to grow into the person that I am today. — Alexis Arguello
- I try to push ideas away, and the ones that will not leave me alone are the ones that ultimately end up… — J. J. Abrams
- I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
- From heresy, frenzy and jealousy, good Lord deliver me. — Ludovico Ariosto
- Quickly, bring me a beaker of wine, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever. — Aristophanes
- My best friend is the man who in wishing me well wishes it for my sake. — Aristotle
- Plato is dear to me, but dearer still is truth. — Aristotle
- A real man loves his wife, and places his family as the most important thing in life. Nothing has brought me more… — Frank Abagnale