"A hooker once told me she had a…" — Rodney Dangerfield

"A hooker once told me she had a headache."

— Rodney Dangerfield

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181 Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

Rodney Dangerfield has 181 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk…
What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!
Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to…
My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent…
I was an ugly kid; when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."
I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that…
My boy is a mean kid. I came home the other day and saw him taping worms to the sidewalk,…
I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
You can name your own salary in this business. I call mine Fred.

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More Funny Quotes

This quote is filed under Funny Quotes, one of 52,060 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:

To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would… — Hannah Arendt
These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
There is no great genius without a mixture of madness. — Aristotle
I hope to make movies that are so small they don't need to make anything to be profitable. — J. J. Abrams
I love recording music. — J. J. Abrams
Hope is the dream of a waking man. — Aristotle
Education is the best provision for old age. — Aristotle
I've had the same friends since I was in kindergarten. — J. J. Abrams
I also have this incredible love for women. — Kevyn Aucoin

See all 52,060 Funny Quotes »