Best George Carlin Wisdom
- But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no… Aging
- You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH… Aging
- But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would! Aging
- Jesus was a cross-dresser. Cross
- The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. Bipartisan
- People think life is real complicated. Actually, there's nothing to it. Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets… All
- E-I-E-I-O is actually a gross misspelling of the word farm. Farm
- When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person. Genuine
- I'm never critical or judgmental about whether or not a movie is any good. The way I look at it, if several hundred people got… All
- I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here are a few I would suggest: "Alcohol will… Alcohol
- Tonight's forecast: DARK. Continued mostly dark tonight, turning to wildly scattered light in the morning Continued
- Like on the airlines, they say they want to 'pre-board'. Well, what the hell is 'pre board'? What does that mean? To get on before… Airline
- Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking Every Person
- I think of shock as kind of an uptown form of surprise. Comedy is filled with surprise, so when I cross a line... I like… Audience
- Now, some people do this for shock value. Shock is just another uptown word for surprise. Granted it has a different quality to it, but… Across
- When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row… America
- Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the "Ten Most Wanted" criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does… Automatically
- If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter. Arms
- Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come… Any
- Life is a near-death experience. Death
- I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It's a shame everything has to have a label. I… Atheist
- No, there's no God, but there might be some sort of an organizing intelligence, and I think to understand it is way beyond our ability.… Ability
- Your home is your refuge. Home
- Sometimes guys'll say to you, 'Have a good one'. I say, 'I already have a good one. Now I'm looking for a longer one'. Good
- The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. Day
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