Best George Carlin Thoughts
- Professional soldiers are people who die for a living. Die
- Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we… All
- The Muslims observe their Sabbath on Friday, the Jews observe on Saturday, and the Christians on Sunday. By the time Monday rolls around God is… Around God
- Looking back, I realize that my life has been a series of incidents where one person has said to another, "Get this asshole outta here!" Another Get
- In the doggie dictionary, under "bow wow" it says, "See "arf arf."" Arf Arf
- When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke. American
- There's some invisible guy, up in the sky, who can kill you, because he loves you. Guy
- There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan. Atheism
- If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Disgruntled
- Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body Accumulating
- Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. Every Opportunity
- When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse. Always Wondered
- Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make… Duty
- Good news for senior citizens: Death is near! Citizens
- I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make… Care
- The truth is, Pavlov's dog trained Pavlov to ring this bell just before the dog salivated. Bell
- Cigarette companies market heavily to young people. They need young customers because their product kills the older ones. It is the only product that, if… Cigarette
- Something is wrong. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, crime, torture, corruption and the ice capades. If this is the best God can do,… Atheism
- Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy. Admittedly
- So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60. Aging
- You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! Aging
- May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!! Aging
- Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10… Aging
- How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the… Aging
- You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. Aging
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