"How old are you? 'I'm four and a……" — George Carlin

"How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key."

— George Carlin

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546 Quotes by George Carlin

George Carlin has 546 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is…
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why…
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set…
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it…
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then…
The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

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More Aging Quotes

This quote is filed under Aging Quotes, one of 1,128 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:

Education is the best provision for old age. — Aristotle
Musicians don't retire; they stop when there's no more music in them. — Louis Armstrong
When old people speak it is not because of the sweetness of words in our mouths; it is because we… — Chinua Achebe
Another belief of mine; that everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise. — Margaret Atwood
I've never understood why people consider youth a time of freedom and joy. It's probably because they have forgotten their… — Margaret Atwood
The class distinctions proper to a democratic society are not those of rank or money, still less, as is apt… — Wystan Hugh Auden
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet. — Saint Augustine
You must become an old man in good time if you wish to be an old man long. — Marcus Aurelius
I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that. — Lauren Bacall
Age appears to be best in four things; old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to… — Francis Bacon
I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. — Francis Bacon
He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils; for time is the greatest innovator. — Francis Bacon

See all 1,128 Aging Quotes »