All Dave Barry Quotes
- My son does not appreciate classical musicians such as the Stones; he is more into bands with names like Heave and Squatting Turnips. Appreciate
- I was a young person once, shortly after the polar ice caps retreated, and I distinctly recall believing that virtually all adults were clueless goobers. Adulthood
- If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer that most people would: nuclear… Answer
- While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most uninhibited,… Brain
- A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to establish that its workers are not just… Dense
- We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just about any wacky thing they tell us, especially if it involves… Any
- Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot masturbate Activity
- New York Taxi Rules: 1. Driver speaks no English. 2. Driver just got here two days ago from someplace like Segal. 3. Driver hates you. Ago