The best time to go to Disney World, if you want to avoid huge crowds, is 1962. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I don't want to dis anybody, but someone like Robert Parker. I first read a Spenser book maybe 20 years ago and… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
One of the major hobbies in South Florida is keeping animals that no sane person would want to keep. One of those… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
My son, Rob....said the only time he ever wraps a gift is, quote, "if it's such a poor gift that I don't… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
What I want to know is: Why is it important to have visible stomach muscles? I grew up in an era (the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you want to give a man something practical, consider tires. More than once, I would have gladly traded all the gifts… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I want to gag sometimes when I see who "we" are recommending that people vote for, and not just as a libertarian. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
At the time, we were mad at Moammar Gadhafi, which resulted in us bombing all over Libya and killing a bunch of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I wrote about why I didn't think libertarians are really doing this kind of thing so that they can have sex with… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The Democrats believe that if God did not want them to raise taxes, He would not have created the Internal Revenue Service. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
She wanted to cry, but she did not want Peter to see her cry, and she especially did not want Teacher, with… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
2. The instant the doors open, you want to push forward as hard as possible, in an effort to get onto the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
For Dad, the perfect Father's Day would be one in which he didn't even realize that it was Father's Day, because nobody… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Professional marriage counselors agree that the most productive and mature way to deal with marital anger is to stomp dramatically from the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You can, legally, possibly hit and kill a fellow golfer with a ball, and there will not be a lot of trouble… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
With a novel, you have the reader with you a lot longer, and you owe him a lot more. Obviously you have… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Here's a simple experiment that you might want to try if there is absolutely nothing else going on in your life. All… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I love the resource of the Internet. I use it all the time. Anything I'm writing - for example, if I'm writing… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
