When politics are used to allocate resources, the resources all end up being allocated to politics. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I don't even know which end of a computer one is supposed to gaze into. I've never used a computer. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
You can't shame or humiliate modern celebrities. What used to be called shame and humiliation is now called publicity. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
College professors used to be badly paid and worth it. Colleges used to be modest institutions; they should go back to being… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If there are three words that need to be used more in American journalism, commentary, politics, personal life... it's the magic words… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There are artists with palettes and easels selling the kind of modern art that Soviet art critics used to critique with bulldozers.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Dates used to be made days or even weeks in advance. Now dates tend to be made the day after. That is,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Greenpeace booth at all the rock and roll shows nowadays are akin to the old sorcerers who used to stand in… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A lot of newspaper columns used to be written in a rat-a-tat-tat, fast-paced style - and they tended to be funny. They… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Cats are to dogs what modern people are to the people we used to have. Cats are slimmer, cleaner, more attractive, disloyal,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Modern elites live in bubbles of liberal affluence like Ann Arbor, Brookline, the Upper West Side, Palo Alto, or Chevy Chase. These… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now. You've probably never… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If I do, I say so. That's the only way out of that. If there are three words that need to be… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
